Simply Chrissy

Asking for Forgiveness

2012-03-01T09:55:00.001-06:00

"Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." Proverbs 17:28

A strange way to start an entry with the title I selected? Stick with me.

For some reason, I have a very vivid memory of my college softball experience that has nothing to do with softball. At some point during my freshman season, the coach could sense that the team was not unified off the field at all. If you've participated in athletics, you know that that can often reflect on the playing field as well. He gave us a lecture: part pep talk, part sermon (I guess) about how we needed to come clean with each other and unite. That must have struck a chord with many, because there were girls going to each other telling their true feelings and asking each other to forgive.

There we are, I'm in the second row, first person on the left.

Then there was me. I must have been oblivious or naive, because I didn't feel negatively towards anyone. But it didn't go both ways. One girl came up to me and started spilling her guts about all the horrible things she thought about me and how she really couldn't stand me.

Umm...ok.

Up to that point, I thought we were fine. I actually knew her and her family before I arrived at college, I thought we were pals actually. But she had kept a lot to herself, and up to that point, she had probably done what the Bible told her to do - and that was, to keep silent.

Right?

Or should we do what my coach was indicating we should do? I'm not sure if that's really what he meant. Maybe he meant the ones who were bickering openly should mend that hurt and yuckiness. Maybe he didn't know that others were harboring feelings like the girl who didn't like me. Did she do the right thing?

If I've had unkind thoughts towards someone, questioned their decisions or outright judged them, but I've kept all that to myself, should I go to them and ask them to forgive me for that? Or is it more wise to continue to keep it to myself?

I've actually thought of this through the years. I can't imagine going to someone who is oblivious to my judgmental thoughts and asking them to forgive me for them, when otherwise they think we are fine! I believe the Bible talks about asking for forgiveness from people who we have offended...but if I've kept silent, I haven't offended them yet.

Part of me feels like what the girl did on my softball team was just unload her own guilt. Maybe she should have asked God to forgive her for feeling that way or thinking those thoughts, but should she have asked me to forgive?

I don't know.

Have you ever experienced this? On either side?

Wordless Wednesday - Reading

2012-02-29T11:58:00.003-06:00

Reading after school.

Reading before bed.

Makes me smile.

Misc. Monday - Limos, Hair Cuts, and Babies

2012-02-27T08:35:00.002-06:00

1. On Saturday evening, we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday. Josh's dad asked him to research limos because he wanted to surprised her with one. So Josh did some calling, and he planned for the limo to arrive at our house at 5:00. His parents arrived around 4:30 to meet us (because she knew we were going out for dinner), so keeping her contained for a half an hour was fun...ha! We blamed it on the Mizzou game. Couldn't leave while it was still on, right?!

The look on her face when she looked outside and saw it was great! We all had a great time, but the kids probably had the most fun.

2. I finally asked a girl I go to church with to take pictures at the hospital when I have baby girl. I just decided that it would be easier to ask a non family member to do this for me since it seems like we're all wrapped up in the hype of the day when it's here! She does an amazing job, and I plan to have her take a nice family picture sometime soon after we're settled with our new blessing. Thanks, Bonnie, for saying you'd do this for me!

3. On Friday, I took the boys to get hair cuts.

As you can see, I waited a bit too long for Gabriel.

This should be a pretty normal, mundane thing, nothing to blog about. But for some reason, Gabriel has decided to hate hair cuts (after being such a good boy the first years of his life). When we arrived, I asked the boys who wanted to go first, and of course Gabriel chimed in with his new phrase (that he says A LOT about EVERTHING lately), "I scared." So Caleb jumped up there and began his hair cut adventure, and I started wondering how on earth we were going to accomplish this feat with Gabriel.

"Look how brave Caleb is being!" I said to him. "And Kara is so nice. She does a great job!"

"I scared," he repeated to me.

So in that moment, as he cuddled up close to me, I just put my hand on his little head and started to pray. I didn't know what else to do. As simple as a hair cut seems, I recognize that sometimes things that seem simple to us as grown ups aren't simple to kids. I asked God to calm Gabriel, to allow Gabriel to trust me and trust Kara, and for him to have a peaceful spirit.

With God's help, and several dum-dums, the hair cut was a success.

4. My best friend is in labor as I type. She's the one who has been pregnant with me all four times, and I really wish I could be in Indiana with her right now! I asked my doctor if that trip would be an ok idea, and she said she couldn't keep me at home...but wouldn't recommend it with me being 32 weeks. So I've been talking and texting her A LOT, and I expect her to text me back unless she's pushing...ha! I'm so excited for her, she's having her first girl.

Here we are with our first babies in 2004...we sure have learned lots since then, right, Kassie?!

5. I deactivated facebook for 36 hours. Is it sad that 36 hours is as long as I could last?

I Gave Up

2012-02-24T08:40:00.001-06:00

On being a big-time blogger that is.

It didn't take long for me to realize when I started writing in 2009 how much I loved it. I loved the outlet. I loved talking about my opinions or my family. I blog hopped A LOT (that is, going from blog to blog, leaving comments or hoping they had BlogFrog so they knew I was there), and as I would read other blogs, specifically ones that had a big following and advertisements, it just seemed to me that I was every bit as able and witty and smart as those women who were making it big.

But while I was being big-headed about it, I failed to remember (and realize) a very basic business/marketing/economic concept: the market was over-saturated with blogs. By 2009, there were so many famous bloggers that there wasn't any room for new ones. I mean, unless a writer had a very distinct something that set them apart, we were all just in the same boat: mostly moms with cute kids and an occasional opinion piece. Oh...and mostly Christian.

That did not set me apart, no matter how great I might be with words.

So by the end of 2010, after a really hard few months in my life, I just stepped back from blogging almost completely. When I look at the amount of entries I had in 2009, it reminds me how much I wanted to make it. I wrote almost every day! In 2010 I did the same until the last three months of the year, when my life was sort of a mess, and I barely had it in me to write. In 2011 I worked outside of the home for 9 months out of the year, so the time I would have spent writing was mostly gone (when I got home from work, that was the last thing on my mind).

Because of my blogging hiatus, I lost my BlogHer ads. I am completely ok with that, I didn't realize how much traffic it would take to make anything. Even when I was getting 150 - 200 hits a day, I only made about $30 over the course of six months or so (I'd say 3 of those months I was actively blogging, so I guess it's more like $30 in 3 months...but still). Making it big was harder than I thought...in many ways.

Now that I'm back to being home with my kiddos, I have committed to sticking with my blog, mostly for kid stuff. I did not set out to be a mommy blogger, but I now find myself primarily writing about being a mom...and that's ok! That's my life. My "new look" on my blog pretty much reflects that, and it also reflects that I am no longer trying to make it big. The big-time bloggers don't really go for the scrapbook look! :)

I am just along for the ride that is blogging. I love reading a few here and there, mostly my friends and a few friends I've made over the years through writing. I rarely read big-time bloggers anymore. I'm not sure why.

And even though I'm one of MANY bloggers, it's still good to have an outlet. And I appreciate the ones who stop by from time to time.

Sarah's Baby Sister

2012-02-23T14:45:00.001-06:00

The other day Sarah was playing on her own, I'm not sure if I remember what exactly she was doing. I do remember I was in the kitchen, and from the other room I heard her say,

"Mommy...if my baby sister is brown, I will love her!"

The pure innocence of those words just warmed my heart. I understood what she meant. It was eye opening for me to hear it, realizing that at 5-years-old, she has no concept of how race works!

She has friends of different races that she sees at church. Perhaps her comment came the day or two after playing at Graysen's house, Ashley's daughter, a family who has adopted two boys from Ethiopia. Maybe she started thinking about how kids all look different, even in the same family? I'm not sure!

But it made me very happy. It made me glad that this is how my kids think. To not only see everyone as one big happy family, but to love them all the same.

If only everyone thought this way. If only all of us were as innocent as children and could see it the way Sarah does.

Ash Wednesday

2012-02-22T09:30:00.000-06:00

I have never given up something for Lent. This is primarily because I was never part of a denomination that really discussed this or promoted it (I grew up Baptist), so I just heard about it growing up and didn't understand the purpose.

Yesterday I happened to flip by the theologically sound show, The Talk, and they were discussing what they would consider giving up during Lent. It sort of hit me when one of the hosts said, "What would be the most difficult thing for you to give up for 40 days?"

If you're my real life friend, keep up with me on Facebook, or have read my blog very long, this couldn't possibly be difficult to figure out about me. My top two would be:

and

Now, how exactly would a person correlate giving up McDonald's or Facebook with honoring God or growing closer to Him? As I was putting together this post, I noticed that a friend on Facebook said:

"Kinda wondering if all the people giving things up for Lent are actually Catholic. [If not] I guess my question is: why? I mean, if it is symbolic of the sacrifice, it's commendable, but I get the impression a lot of people do it more as a challenge to themselves, like a mid-year New Years Resolution, or because they can. But I hope everyone who does at the very least reads on what it means. Otherwise it's like a mockery of the whole point of it."

I completely agree with her.

If I were to take part in it, it would not be because I think scripture commands me to or that I have to. I think a large part of this practice has to do with self-denial. How often do we tell ourselves no? Could I grow closer in my faith if I had to give up two of my biggies and rely on His strength to do it? As silly as it sounds, I know it would be nearly impossible for me to give up the two I shared. Why is that? Do they have control over me? Maybe they do! That shouldn't be! Why do I find myself pulling through the drive-thru when I'm not hungry or logging onto Facebook when I just checked it 10 minutes ago? Maybe I need to let go of those things to see what He can do in my life.

What would I do with all the time I spend on Facebook?

What would I do with the money I save by not eating out or how would my health improve?

And what does God want to show me through that?

I don't think we only have to make a sacrificial decision during Lent. I think it's something we should consider year-round. I think anytime we find ourselves bound to something, whether it's food or a habit or whatever, maybe we should evaluate the why of it.

What would you give up?

Or maybe the question should be, what should you give up?

Misc. Monday

2012-02-20T18:10:00.002-06:00

There are a few blog posts floating around in my head, but I don't know if I have an entire post in me for each one, so I think I'll write a few lines about each thought instead...and link up for Miscellany Monday.

1. So last week was Valentines Day, and I have to confess, it always annoys me when people say they don't like Valentines Day because they don't need one day out of the year to show someone they care or boast about how perfect their husband is because he gives them cards, flowers, candy, or whatever all year long. Well, I'm very happy for you, but for some men, they would be lost without birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentines Day (that is, if they remember these).

And I would also say, I feel the same way about Christmas. Do I really need to put any emphasis on ONE DAY when God calls me to serve Him and honor Him all year long? Nope. I don't. So I'll get out my Vince Gill Christmas CD (starting in October of course) and be pretty secular about Christmas. Because it's not about one day.

2. I read an article the other day titled "The Seven Worst Things You Can Say to Your Husband". First of all, I really thought I must have missed my calling when I read it, because I'm quite sure I could have written a better article. But anyway, I found myself feeling pretty defensive while I read it, so I'm not sure what that says about me. For one thing, I can think of FAR WORSE things to say, even though I know deep down each of them would be best kept unsaid. But each one probably comes out of my mouth at some point, and I thought it was funny when I read a comment that said, "Why are we defending men? They deserve these comments sometimes!" Well, maybe they do, maybe they don't.

The other thing that got me was when a woman posted a comment and said she had been married for 3 years and determined that most people who commented needed therapy. Boy, you should have seen people rip her apart, and part of me agreed. I remember when I had been married for 3 years. Shoot, what can go wrong after 3 years? Come tell me what it means to be married after 10 or 15 years, after a few kids, a few jobs, a few moves. Then you can tell me I need therapy. I ALREADY KNOW I NEED IT! :)

3. Some people take facebook WAY too seriously. And some people don't. I prefer the second kind. If I unfriended you and you see me in real life and decide to not make eye contact and not speak with me, I think I'm probably not the one who has issues.

4. Can you tell that pregnancy makes me an ornery person?

Hope you have a great week! I should have a new blog look soon!

Hurts and Heartache - Putting Others Before Ourselves

2012-02-17T10:15:00.002-06:00

This past Tuesday, February 14th, Josh's grandma passed away.

This is her 75th birthday in 2007, my favorite picture of us with her.

It's interesting to me how different it is to lose a grandparent as an adult as opposed to as a child. When I was just 14, I lost my maternal grandmother. I adored her, spent so much time with her, and was very heartbroken. I still miss her and still think about her. I even wrote a post about her a while back remembering all the sweet things about her. I grieved as someone who lost so much, not really considering anyone else.

At that time, my mom was only 35. I didn't consider that my mom had lost both of her parents by the age of 35. That's only a little more than 2 years away for me. I can't comprehend it.

When my dad's dad passed away in 2006, it was different for me. I was shocked at the loss, I was very sad, grandpa was one of my biggest fans when it came to my pitching! He would travel with grandma to all kinds of games, tell me how great I did, was at all kinds of events in my life.

But for some reason, it was different.

I was more sad for my dad, who just lost his dad. It broke my heart to think that my dad wouldn't have his dad to talk about the weather or the Cardinals or stupid republicans with a beer in hand as they stood around the BBQ grill.

Our last Easter with grandpa, he is seated in the middle of the picture, I was 5 months pregnant with Sarah.

I think the same is true for Josh. While he is hurting over the loss, especially since his grandma was his last living grandparent, I know he is more sad for his mom. He will miss her sweet voice, her sweet stories, and her sweet hugs and kisses...but as an adult, he recognizes that the loss of a mother would be a very difficult thing.

And I wish I would have recognized that when I was 14, I wish I could have hurt more for my mom instead of hurting for myself.

But I think that's something that comes with time: understanding other people's hurts and heartache and realizing that even when we hurt, there are others that could be hurting even deeper.

Snow Day

2012-02-16T10:40:00.003-06:00

I love snow days so much. I'm sure it's somehow psychologically tied to my childhood since both of my parents were teachers...which meant those days turned into slow-paced family days! And since I married a teacher - and I stay home with the kids - we find ourselves having those same kind of slow-paced family days.

It started with Caleb asking if he could play the Wii.

Sure, why not.

Josh began making chocolate chip pancakes, and I hadn't had those in FOREVER. I used to have them when my mom would make them, but at some point they seemed too sweet for me. Pregnant Chrissy does not have the same taste buds, nothing is too sweet! :)

Then it was time to bundle up and send the kids outside. Josh went with them, I am too much of a pansy to go outside in the cold (remember...it has to be 72 degrees for me because I am not outdoorsy).

After being out in the cold, it was time for hot chocolate. That's what everyone does after playing in the snow, right?!

Later that day, Sarah needed to finish up some Valentine cards. She worked on each one, writing her name and the person the card was supposed to go to. (Actually, my method was to have her write her name on all of them first, and when she got tired, we stopped. It took a few days to finish writing the names of her classmates and teachers in the "to" space, but she got it done!)

We also finished her Valentine box.

Very simple but very Sarah.

We had some reading time, movie time, and wrestle time.

We had a nice dinner as Josh and I worked together to make something I found on Pinterest. It was pretty yummy.

Later...after dinner...a bit before bedtime...Caleb asked if we could play Battleship. I thought that would be a nice way to end the day!

It was just what a snow day should be. It was everything I hoped it would be. Sound a little corny? Yeah, maybe. Chalk it up to that psychological tie to childhood! ;)

What do you do on snow days?

Practically Sweet

2012-02-14T12:50:00.002-06:00

I'm a girl.

I like flowers and candy and sappy stuff like the rest.

But when it comes to gift giving on my part, I am too practical for that.

Maybe it's because I know guys (most guys?) aren't just dying for the most romantic thing ever when February 14th rolls around. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they'd like a nice dinner, time away from the chaos of the daily grind, maybe even a massage or something. But the glitz and glamor of this particular holiday probably doesn't really do much for them.

And so...as I said...I am too practical to plan something over-the-top for my guy (even if it is a double standard for me to secretly hope he plans it for me).

So when I got the idea of a gift for him, knowing it was something he really, really needed...not something sweet or romantic, I wanted to somehow tie in a nice, sweet saying to go along with the gift. I guess my thoughts are...if I can somehow tie this holiday in with what I picked out, maybe it will seem sweet? :)

His shoes for work were literally falling apart, and I just knew I wanted to find a pair for him. So I did. And I wanted to keep with the love theme for Valentine's Day...so...

I wrote, "Step by step...we are in this journey together."

He was really surprised. He really smiled. He really liked them. A lot.

So now I know that I will continue with my practicality. I will just have to work on my creative phrases.

Anyone have a creative phrase to go with a repaired garage door opener? :)

A Dad and His Daughter

2012-02-11T14:45:00.002-06:00

Brace yourself.

I'm having an emotional moment.

It could be because I'm female.

Or because I'm a mom.

Or because I'm pregnant.

But most likely it's all three of those.

Last night Josh took Sarah to a Daddy/Daughter dance.

Before they left, they looked like this:

And Sarah's hair was all pretty like this:

And at the dance, they looked like this:

But the day we brought her home, they looked like this:

And I may be crying a bit putting this post together.

Of course, it didn't help that one of my friends posted this song on facebook today:

Mark Harris - When We're Together (From The Movie COURAGEOUS) from providentlabelgroup on GodTube.com.

Bawled. My. Eyes. Out.
If you haven't seen the movie Courageous, you would think I'm crazy for bawling...so go watch it and then you can bawl with me.

Deep breath, Chrissy.

There's just something about a dad and his daughter.

Makes a momma teary-eyed.

And sometimes, it makes a daddy teary-eyed, too.

Transforming Rooms

2012-02-08T11:45:00.003-06:00

Sometimes when I walk by this room...

...I see that it is unfinished for the girls, but it has progressed just like I had hoped. Because we have worked SO HARD to clean out TONS of toys that had accumulated over the course of over seven years (since Caleb's birth) and over the course of multiple birthdays and Christmases between three kids!

The room used to look like this...

...that is, when it was clean. Oh, dare I show what it ACTUALLY looked like? Ok...for the sake of being honest.

It began to actually repulse me. My in-laws and parents would joke, "Boy, they sure don't have any toys!" And I sort of wanted to strangle them since most of the toys came from them. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their thoughtfulness towards my children, but as you can see, it got to be too much.

And honestly, I know kids who have more.

So one day Josh and I spent HOURS cleaning out the toy room, knowing it would need to transform into a girl room. We do not have a basement or a way to keep everything, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to. We kept what they played with the most, and bye bye to the rest. We donated most things to our Caring Center (which is like a local version of Goodwill) and a few things I gave to friends. It's funny how sometimes this sort of purging from the house can be the opposite of hoarding...I now find myself thinking, "What else can I get rid of?!"

Caleb is mostly past the toy stage. He LOVES his Legos and he loves playing games on the Wii or Nintendo DSi. He has started reading chapter books, so that takes up some of his time, too. Sarah mostly plays with Barbies and Ponies, so that doesn't take up much room (except for her Barbie house she received for Christmas). Gabriel has a few toys here and there that he likes, mostly some left over that Caleb used to like that we decided to keep!

I'm excited about this new transformation in our home. While it may feel crammed with 4 kids sharing 2 rooms, I can see the benefit of us staying where we are for a while. No space means not keeping things we don't need. And in a way, it's certainly a teachable moment for our kids to learn to give to others who don't have as much.

More transformation to come. Girl room needs a bed for Sarah and some decorations on the walls. Caleb has picked out a color for the boy room, and since we painted for the girls, we should be fair and paint for the boys. :)

To Pray

2012-02-06T08:25:00.000-06:00

The other night, I went out to Panera to have coffee with a sweet friend. We talked for almost 3 hours, and it's always nice to have girl time and talk about life!

I asked her a question, and I'm still going back and forth about how I feel/what I think.

"Should we pray about something we don't actually think will ever come to be?"

She told me her answer. I told her I understood her view. I think I agreed, but then I change my mind sometimes.

Do we have to earnestly think God will do it for Him to listen? Or could we pray about something we don't think will happen in a million years, and He still hears us and wants us to know He understands - both the prayer and our doubts?

What do you think?

Quiet

2012-02-03T07:30:00.000-06:00

I'm writing this in the afternoon, all alone, sitting in a very quiet house. My sweet father-in-law took my two younger kiddos to his house to play, and they will be spending the night. They often ask to go, they love their grandparents and are blessed with the best.

So every now and then, I get these quiet moments.

Quiet.

I should cherish them, right? I mean, what mom hasn't said they could use some time on their own. Time to read a book, pick up the house, finish up a project or something. And I'm sure I'll do those things. The girl room needs work after all! But more often than not...when I'm in these quiet moments...it just doesn't feel right.

Perhaps it's because of the season of life that I'm in. Right now, my season is being a mom. With a not-so-big house, a family of almost six can be pretty loud when little kids are playing. For me, though, it doesn't seem strange or loud. It doesn't bother me when they run around the dining room table, even though I should teach them not to run in the house. When they are giggling and being silly together, enjoying their time, no matter what the noise level, it makes me happy. Because I have them. They are precious.

Don't get me wrong. Especially lately, as I've been hurting more often than not, sometimes I wonder if I'm being the best mom I can be when I just sit on the couch and let them watch shows or play on their own. If I'm hurting, I can't always direct them in the best way to play when they may actually seem wild to an outsider looking in. So there are days when I think, "It sure would be nice for them to go play with Papa and leave me here alone!"

But then they go.

And here I am. In the quiet.

And I don't like it.

And I might have had tears as I just typed that.

So while quiet seems appealing to me sometimes, sometimes I have to remind myself that when I finally get it, it's not really what it's cracked up to be. Because it's not really that season in my life. I'll have plenty of quiet later. In my season of an empty nest.

Sigh.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-02-01T08:05:00.002-06:00

Getting the girl room ready, Sarah and baby girl will be sharing this space.

It's Not Tattling

2012-01-30T07:50:00.001-06:00

tat·tle (ttl)

v. tat·tled, tat·tling, tat·tles

v.intr.

1. To reveal the plans or activities of another; gossip. See Synonyms at gossip.

2. To chatter aimlessly; prate.

v.tr.

To reveal through gossiping.

1. Aimless chatter; prattle.

2. Gossip; talebearing.

3. A tattletale.

I've decided to reveal a huge pet peeve of mine. It's about the word tattling and how it's used with children.

If my daughter comes up to me in tears and says, "Caleb took my Barbie and put her in his Batman castle and he said he was going to keep her captured!" should I just brush it off and tell her not to tattle? Doesn't that seem ridiculous? Her feelings have been hurt, and in her world, poor Barbie being in a Batman castle is a big deal.

But I've seen moms say, "Oh, don't tattle on your brother." I think teachers are maybe worse.

Is she "revealing the plans or activities of another"?? Yes. But it's not in a gossiping, let's get Caleb in trouble for something that has nothing to do with me manner.

What if she tells me that Caleb pushed Gabriel? Or what about name calling?

Here is my perspective and how I handle these situations. If it directly affects Sarah, like the Barbie and Batman castle example, I will address it because her feelings have been hurt and she is coming to me for help. Caleb should respect her feelings, and they need to play together nicely. If it's something like one of my children pushed another, but it's the one that wasn't directly involved that tells me, I will say, "Thank you for telling me, Sarah," and may or may not address the issue until the ones involved come to me. If it's something completely out there...like...I don't know..."Caleb put his backpack on the table instead of putting it in his room," (which has never happened as far as someone telling me this, but we'll go with it) I will still say, "Thank you for telling me," because I feel like the child must feel like it's important for some reason.

I think deep down most kids aren't trying to get other kids in trouble. I think they just want to trust adults, and they want to come to them when they are hurt or see something that doesn't appear to be right. Most of the time, I honestly don't think kids are tattling. I think they think they are helping, or they are upset and hurt! Why are adults so quick to say, "I don't want to hear it!" or "Don't tattle!"

Could we try to be more mindful in these situations? Perhaps they need us to just listen, perhaps they just want to feel like they're being heard.

A Few Things On My Mind About Finances

2012-01-27T07:40:00.007-06:00

You know you use your debit card too much when you get excited to see this:

There are no current day transactions pending.

Josh and I are trying NOT to use it, trying to spend less and be more disciplined. You may recall, we are fans of Dave Ramsey, reading his Total Money Makeover and attending an FPU class a few years ago. We are very close to being debt free, with the exception of our mortgage, and it's a great feeling...might just pay off that student loan this year!

But...

We still tend to spend money on little things. Or random trips to the store that aren't necessary. Or trips to McDonald's that shouldn't be. Each day when I check our account, it seemed like there was ALWAYS something pending, from a $15 trip to the store (for something we probably could have waited for or maybe even something we didn't need) to eating out somewhere.

This past week we started a financial study with our small group. I was not really all that excited about the idea since we felt like we had all the knowledge we could possibly need! But it did open up communication again between me and Josh about our budgeting, and I didn't realize how different we are. I THOUGHT WE HAD THAT FIGURED OUT! Even after all this time, even after all the Dave stuff, I didn't know that I had a different idea of budgeting than he did.

And it's pretty clear cut. I am simple. He is not. Ha!

For example, I might as well have just a Walmart section on my excel sheet, because I am not prone to care if I throw in a package of socks for Caleb with my groceries. I mean, am I ever going to be so particular that when I go grocery shopping and throw in dish washing liquid in the cart that I'll go and document that out of $100 I spent, $2 of it was not groceries? Umm...no.

But some people do.

So between a heated discussion about that and a heated discussion about using debit cards vs. going to an envelope system (which I don't want to do) we have our work cut out for us!

The one thing I am loving about this financial study is how the book that goes along with it puts so much emphasis on scripture. Dave Ramsey includes some, but this one is way heavier on it. And one of the quotes that has stood out to me so far is...

"We are charged to be faithful in handling 100 percent, not just 10 percent. Unfortunately, many churches have concentrated only on teaching how to handle 10 percent of our income - the area of giving. Although this area is crucial, we have allowed Christians to learn how to handle the other 90 percent from the world's perspective, not from our Lord's perspective."

While I don't agree about 10 percent being the only amount of giving (the book actually addresses this, too...I wrote more about it here and I couldn't believe that one of my concepts was stated almost word for word in the book...maybe I was onto something) I do agree that all this effort to become debt free for some has become their mission, and they often lose sight of what God has in mind for their money outside of their giving to church, ministries, and charity. What do I do with the rest? Is what I'm doing with the rest pleasing to God? Am I striving to be debt free so I can bless others with my money or so I can do whatever I want with my money?

Half of the couples in our small group did not have a written budget. The rest of us are taking them under our wings and showing them how we've done it. I wish I was more of an expert! But it's ok, we do have one woman who is a very big nerd when it comes to budgeting! :) She will be a big help. What I can share is how freeing it is to have no payments - no car payment, no credit card payment, no Lowe's or JC Penney or Dell payment. What it was like to take an anniversary cruise and pay for it all with our own money, no credit. Having an emergency fund for emergencies rather than depending on a credit card for an emergency. Living on one income and feeling great about it. Things like that are our story.

And I hope our story in the future is...we use our debit card WAY LESS, we became more disciplined, and I broke my McDonald's habit! :)

Evidently He's Bored

2012-01-25T07:45:00.001-06:00

"Mom, could we do homeschool again?" Caleb said to me with a sweet, sincere tone.

"Why would you want to do that?" I asked him.

He continued, "Oh, I just miss you during the day. And school is boring."

It was very sweet of him to say he missed me, I miss him, too, during the day.

I gave him a hug and said, "But Caleb, you are doing so great! You love art and music and PE! You're reading very well and your papers and tests look great!"

"I'm just bored."

I looked over at Josh, and he said in a whispering type way (so that Caleb couldn't hear him), "Maybe it is boring for him?"

The thing is, I never used to believe this line of thinking. I know friends who have very bright children, and they started their kids a year early in school, working around the system and getting them in, fearing they would be bored because they were so smart. I always thought that everything would balance out, and kids are just kids after all. Surely they can find something to do at school that they like?

Let's brag about my own elementary days for a moment since they are so long ago, it's not like it really matters! :) I was in the top reading group right from the start, always tested WAY above level, always made all A's and probably wasn't satisfied with anything other than 100%. I was academically competitive even at an early age. But I don't remember ever feeling bored. I wonder if this is a boy thing? Maybe this is why our school systems have been criticized as failing our boys?

Fortunately his behavior is not an issue (which is sometimes the case with boys who are bored). He has received Student of the Month, which is based on behavior, and his teacher tells me he is a nice boy. I'm not sure what the solution is. The solution is not necessarily me homeschooling again (that's another post altogether), but I do wish I could see what his day is like. I do wonder what it means for a 7-year-old to be bored during the day at school.

Happy 3rd Blogiversary (Belated)

2012-01-23T09:15:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was my blog's 3rd birthday. Sometimes it seems like I just started writing, and sometimes it seems like it's always been a part of me. I really love looking back over past entries to see what was going on in my life. It's the main reason I kept going with my blog, even when I didn't feel like it, even when there were months when I didn't have it in me write. It's amazing what a person will forget, when something happens and you think you'll always remember it, only to look back on a journal (or in this case, a blog) and read about it years later and realize...I forgot that happened!

It's funny to me when I'll be talking with someone and say, "Oh, yeah...I wrote about that once!" Then I'll look back through my entries to try and find it, and I wrote it so much longer ago than I realized. I looked for this entry the other day, and I thought I just wrote it...but it was two years ago!

I started writing back when I had a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn who just turned 2 months. They are now 7, 5, and 3...and I'm expecting another. My life has had lots of ups and downs, lots of changes, lots of new friends and the occasional loss of a friend due to circumstances I wouldn't have expected. One thing I know...I really do enjoy looking back over my blog and seeing how my brain was thinking at any given time!

Sometimes I don't know how to balance real hurts when it comes to sharing on a public blog. Some people are really blunt, some people are really fake. I'm not sure what direction to go with that sort of thing. There is a thing called privacy! But I also hate when someone seems so perfect, that everything is so great, it makes others (maybe even me sometimes?) feel like I must be doing something wrong for someone else to have it all together so perfectly. If we put up a fake front, perhaps it does more harm than good.

That being said...

I'm taking each day as it comes. How vague is that?! :) If you've been reading very long, you know that I changed my blog's name a few months ago. I felt like it better reflected who I am, and to be honest, some of my struggles that weighed me down made me feel like I couldn't have a blog with my former title.

Thanks for sticking with me through the years, especially some of my long-time readers. I'm thankful to Ashley and Bethany who inspired me in the beginning.

*New look and new layout in the works...stay tuned...

He Wasn't Embarrassed

2012-01-20T09:20:00.003-06:00

The first week of January brought the first practice of Upward Basketball for Caleb. He had his first game on Saturday, and after seeing a few practices and seeing his first game, I am loving this year's season just as much (maybe more) as the last...probably because I can tell Caleb is loving it, too.

The picture on the left is the team after the game, Caleb is looking up at me smiling. The picture on the right is during the game, Caleb is in the center of the picture.

Last night was picture night, so we arrived a little early like the coach asked, all dressed in his nice, blue jersey. His coaches are good about making the boys tuck in their jerseys - I don't know why I love this so much, maybe because I was always made to tuck in my jerseys when I participated in sports, might as well teach 'em young! Before we left, I asked Caleb if he wanted me to help him with tucking it in because he has a very long jersey, and it's sort of bulky with his blue t-shirt that goes underneath. He didn't want me to, so I just left him alone and sent him over to his team when we got to practice.

I noticed that the coaches began telling the boys to tuck them in not long after they all were together, and each boy did as they were told. I saw that Caleb had his shorts pulled up really high, and his jersey and undershirt were...well...very bulky and almost laughable! I waited on the sideline, wondering if he would be able to adjust it to look a little better, but it remained bulky. I walked over to the team, and I nudged one of the coaches (who is in my small group, so I knew I could kid with him), and said, "If I'm paying for pictures, I don't think I want him to look quite like that!" He smiled, and I continued over to Caleb to help him.

Since it was in the middle of the gym, in front of his teammates, I wasn't sure how to go about helping him. I didn't want to embarrass him or anything! But I just started pulling on his jersey and pulling on his shorts. It wasn't working, so I did what I would have done at home - I literally put my hands down the backside of his shorts and around to the front, fixing his shirt and jersey, making it not bulky and pulling on his shorts a bit so they weren't so high. Then I pulled out the front of his jersey just a bit, enough to see his number.

I said, "Looks all better kiddo!" and walked back to were I was sitting before the uniform adjustment.

Then I realized...he wasn't embarrassed.

Not a bit.

Not one, "Oh, mom!" or anything.

He just stood there, let me help him, and actually said thanks before I walked away.

He still holds my hand at Walmart if I reach for it...or anywhere for that matter. I remember being surprised when he wanted to hold my hand at school when I visited during the Halloween parade last fall.

And I'll take it. I'll take this non-embarrassed little boy as long as I can. I honestly didn't expect to have it this way this long. I'll brace myself for when the day comes and he doesn't want to hold my hand. After all, it would be quite odd if a 16-year-old still held his mom's hand at Walmart! :)

While I'm Nesting

2012-01-18T15:40:00.002-06:00

Today I found myself in full-fledged nesting mode. I wish I could bottle up this motivation and determination and keep it for the days when I'm not like this (which are more often than not), but since I can't, I just have to take advantage of the moments when I'm excited to clean and declutter!

From the time I got home from taking Caleb to school - which was probably 8:15 or so - until I put Gabriel down for a nap around 1:00, I don't think I sat down. At all. This is not normal for me, and I can really feel it now. My poor back.

Fortunately for me, my two kiddos who are here with me during the day have extremely independent personalities. They do not tend to ask me to play with them, perhaps it's because they have each other? Or maybe it's because they are second and third born? I'm not sure, but on days when I'm just focused on a project to clean or put away or declutter, they are perfectly content to do their own thing. So today, I took a few pictures of what they do.

First, Sarah asked if she could play on pbskids.org for a bit. I love that website because it is full of preschool games for her to do, so while she's having fun, she actually has to think and be creative! Gabriel loves to watch while she does this.

Today she was playing Toopy and Binoo.

When they were done with their computer time, Gabriel decided he wanted to play with Caleb's Legos. If Caleb knew I let him play with his Legos, he might be upset with me! But Gabriel is getting pretty good at it, so I got them down for him.

Sarah went into the playroom (soon to be girl room...that's my next project) and found her Daisy Girls which is a 40-piece wooden/magnetic mix and match thing for her to dress up those girls.

I was too focused on what I was trying to accomplish to take anymore pictures (this is either good or bad depending on how you look at it) but they also played in the play room for quite a bit, Sarah with her Barbies in the doll house and Gabriel bringing neighbors over to play with Barbies, which usually includes Batman and Robin or sometimes dinosaurs. She is a very sweet big sister, she never seems to mind when Gabriel finds random "friends" to bring to the doll house.

We did pause for a snack of applesauce around 10:00. We did have lunch around noon. Other than that, they were good kids who played on their own together.

What do your kids like to do when you're busy doing something around the house?

Documenting Firsts and Keeping Projects

2012-01-16T10:20:00.000-06:00

After reading a post from a sweet friend of mine who is a self-proclaimed over-documenter when it comes to her children's "firsts", it got me to thinking. I wonder why I don't do that. And I don't mean I don't over-document their life happenings, I mean I don't document ANY of their life happenings. I don't even feel bad about it.

When I had Caleb, someone gave me a cute little calendar full of stickers that I could use to write down his first pediatrician appointment, his first smile, his first time rolling over, his first tooth. When I forgot to write down the first doctor's appointment, I didn't really think anything of it. The calendar just sat there, and every time something happened, I just never put it in that calendar. I just don't know why. In my head I know that his first tooth came in around 4 months, MUCH sooner than Sarah and Gabriel's. I know that he started crawling in the summer because Josh was home on summer break and I wasn't there (I was very sad...I was working at the time). I know he took some of his first steps on his first birthday in front of all kinds of people at his party!

The same is true for Sarah and Gabriel. I have some of their firsts in my head, but I have nothing written down.

I think it's cute and great when moms take time to write it all down. Perhaps it's especially fun to compare different children in the house, finding out when the first child rolled over compared to the others? Or maybe that's why I never did it? I really have no idea!

Only one of my children have a picture with the doctor who delivered them, and that's Gabriel. Maybe it took me three times to figure out it might be nice to have that picture!

The same is true when it comes to what I keep that the kids make or work on at school. For example, each Sunday the kids bring home something that they've worked on in their Sunday school class or during extended session/junior worship. I can't think of a time when I've kept it. Can you imagine how much like a hoarder I would be if I kept everything from 4 kids? So it has to REALLY stand out to me.

Like this picture Caleb made in art class in December. I must of been having a mom moment, because I thought it was just the coolest thing. He loves art, and when I saw this, I could see why!

Or his letter to Santa. I love his creative sentences and his handwriting.

These were done this school year, in 1st grade, and I'm not sure if I've kept much else. I have one or two things that were really neat from his preschool days and kindergarten days, but that's about it. The same is true for Sarah and Gabriel. For me to keep it, it has to be something I know they've done completely on their own, and it needs to be something worth keeping.

I know all moms are different. Some who read this might just shake their head or gasp! :) But I know that I am comfortable with how I'm doing things, it would be different I guess if I felt horrible about it.

So if you're a mom, are you an over-documenter, an average documenter, or a non-documenter? I'd really like to hear from just one non-documenter! :) And how do you decide which papers/projects to keep that your kids work on?

A Clean House

2012-01-13T08:05:00.006-06:00

When my house is completely clean, I feel _________.

How would you answer that question?

Sometimes there are days when I just don't feel like doing housework. I just want to watch Team Umizoomi with the kids, bake cookies, play with Barbies or Legos, read a story I've read 100 times to them...anything besides what I should take time to do each day. I don't want to do the daily chores that are never ending. While I realize it's just part of being an adult (and, dare I say, especially part of being a stay-at-home mom), I find that I am almost childlike on occasion, in complete protest of cleaning my room!

But what I have found to be overwhelmingly true is how I feel when I've done what I should do. When the house is just as it should be, and I look around to see everything in its place...

...like a toy-free, shoe-free, randompaper-free living room.

Or a bedroom with no laundry baskets, no clothes on the floor, no stacks of papers to go through.

Or even a dining room table filled with a few loads of folded laundry on its way to be put away.

When the dishes are done, when I've planned ahead for dinner, when the bathrooms have clean toilets and there are no Hello Kitty hair ties lying in the sink...I feel many things.

I feel proud that I'm taking care of my home.

I feel accomplished because I did my part.

I feel happy because I like the way my house looks.

But mostly, I'd say I feel at peace. And when I feel at peace about my home, it's a great feeling. I'd guess this feeling comes from doing something that is intrinsic to a woman. Perhaps that sounds unliberated, and I'm certainly not saying a man shouldn't help out. But when Proverbs 31 says, "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness," it means to me that we are more prone to feel the need to have our homes in order. No matter if a woman works outside of the home or not, no wonder she must feel a sense of peace about her home when she's worked hard to keep it just as it should be.

Peace.

That's a feeling I need daily. And somehow I need to remind myself of that peaceful feeling when all I want to do is do nothing.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-11T08:40:00.004-06:00

Just a random, normal morning in December.

Sometimes I wonder how the dynamic will change when baby girl arrives.

Decoding "What do you think?"

2012-01-09T11:30:00.001-06:00

If you ask for advice, it's good if you let people know that you're wanting support of your idea instead of actual advice. Does that make sense? If someone really has their mind made up and they just want support, how could they best let this be known?

"I'm going to move to Alaska and start a snowboard business. What do you think?" It's possible that this person actually just wants you to tell them what a GREAT idea it is! If that's the case, there has to be a better way to word the part about, "What do you think?" Otherwise, you'll just make a level-headed thinker out to be a jerk when they tell you that maybe there is a lot to consider when going to Alaska (or whatever the example is).

"We're thinking about buying a bigger house." This is something my family considered recently, and I even picked out the perfect house! I only told a few close friends, and we discussed my budget and if it would stretch it too thin. I genuinely wanted their feedback, maybe it was because I didn't have my heart totally set on it? Well...I did a little, actually. But after sharing the cost of utilities with my friends, thinking about the closing costs, costs of selling our current house, etc, it just didn't seem to be the right idea for us right now. The friends I told gave me sound advice and even encouragement (in the form of prayer for wisdom), and when one of them questioned if this would really fit in our budget or if Dave Ramsey would approve :) I didn't feel like they were being mean at all.

So I keep thinking...how can we discern when someone really wants advice or if they're just seeking support of their idea?

The Pregnancy Experience

2012-01-06T14:00:00.005-06:00

Each pregnancy a woman has is different for her. That's probably a no brainer, right? Most people, especially women, would say they understand this concept. Most of the time, however, they are referring to the pregnancy itself. Maybe you'll puke with your first, maybe you won't with your second. Maybe you'll have a vaginal birth with one and a c-section with another. Maybe your blood pressure will be perfect with your first two, not perfect with the the third, and then perfect again with the fourth.

You get the idea.

But I think the thing I've found to be most interesting and fun is the difference it makes when children are already in the house. How they react to the news of their mom's pregnancy, how they react to mommy's belly growing, etc. This round for me has been the most precious by far, and I know it's because my kids are a bit older, ages 7, 5, and 3.

Each day before he leaves for school, Caleb gives me a hug. But I am not the only one he hugs. Of course he hugs his brother and sister, but he also hugs my belly. It makes me teary almost every time! He never forgets, probably because my belly is sticking out now! He sometimes gives my belly a kiss, too, and always says, "Bye, bye, baby!"

Sarah and Gabriel do the same thing, Gabriel more so than Sarah. Several times a day, they will ask if they can hug or kiss the baby. I always smile and say of course. It amazes me how they already have a bond that I didn't expect.

Sarah talks about teaching the baby how to do things. She wants to teach her how to crawl, how to sit and walk, how to say her ABC's. She talks about playing with Barbies together and playing with My Little Ponies together. I realize that their age difference probably makes this an unrealistic thing, but she doesn't know that right now! The one thing I do think will make them close is the fact that Sarah already has brothers, and this is her sister. I think that's sweet.

It's been a rough road with this baby...for me anyway. Lots of puking, a trip to the ER (and a two-day hospital stay) with gall stones and pancreatitis, a spell of high blood pressure, a diagnosis of marginal placenta previa, and now at only 25 weeks, I'm already have pelvic pain that usually doesn't happen to me until the end. But I cannot even imagine not having this experience. I'll admit this pregnancy wasn't exactly planned (of course, neither were the other three), and even though I've had some overwhelmed feelings about having a forth baby, it all fades away with a sweet voice that says, "Mommy...can I give the baby a kiss?"

And I can't wait to kiss her sweet face in April.

What if she doesn't match?

2012-01-04T07:20:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I saw this exchange on facebook:

Girl 1: Did you see [my daughter] this morning? I begged her to change, she fought me and you see she won! She looks so ummm. Well not like I would have dressed her. Hahaha, but she picked them out and I wasn't gonna fight anymore so I gave in.

Girl 2: I didn't see. Lol.

Girl 1: Oh she wore her [mascot] shirt, the grey one, and jeans but the jeans are skinny jeans w/blue flowers down the legs w/rhinestones, and her tennis shoes.

Girl 2: Lol. She's cute!

Which got me to thinking a bit. At what age should we no longer pick out our kids clothes? I am guilty of almost always picking out stuff for my kids, but they really don't give me trouble. That could be because I am very proactive about it, setting out what I have in mind before they get a chance to pick out something else or put something else on their little bodies. Every now and then, Caleb will have a certain shirt in mind, so I'll find it for him (no biggie).

If Caleb picks out something 100% on his own, it usually looks fine. He doesn't have that many options to look silly, generally just a pair of jeans and a shirt. Sarah, on the other hand, could pick out something odd, maybe like the little girl described above, or maybe put stripes with polka dots. Gasp!

And if that happened...why does it matter so much to me or other moms? I wonder what I'm worried about. Am I worried that my child will be made fun of, or am I more worried about what other adults will think of my ability to dress my child? There will obviously have to come a day when they do this on their own! How do we guide them in it...

...or...really...does it matter?

If you have children, how old are they, and do you pick out their clothes?

Reflecting on 2011

2012-01-02T11:15:00.003-06:00

As I sit at my laptop, next to my children playing a game they received for Christmas, I am reminded how fortunate I am to have them in my life (and also reminded how long it takes to write when they are close and asking questions). The year was full of adventure with them, and full of adventure for me as well. I know it's so cliche to say how quickly the years seem to go by, but I really feel like 2011 was the fastest year ever for me. I'm afraid this is how my life will be for the next several years (or the rest of my life?), trying not to blink and miss all the precious moments in every year.

One year ago this week, on Monday, I started work again (after being a SAHM for 4 years). It was something that seemed necessary at the time, and it was actually really hard for me. Any time we take on a new title in life, whether professionally or personally (going from not employed to employed or from single to married, etc) it can be scary. I did the best work I knew how, applied my perky personality and work ethic to the position, and met lots of great people. Not only co-workers, but patients that I saw on a daily basis often taught me something. Like this man.

Caleb started school that same week (after a semester of homeschooling), and Sarah and Gabriel began staying with a sweet woman during the day. This all worked out to be a great experience for the kids, and I am thankful for that.

In January Caleb also started Upward basketball at our church, and then in March he began Taekwondo. Both have been great experiences. He continues with Taekwondo (now with his green belt) and will begin another round of Upward beginning this week.

Sarah completed her first year of preschool in April, and I simply adore the people and atmosphere of her preschool. It's always good to send your kids where you feel confident in the workers and in the content of what they're teaching. Thank you to them.

Gabriel started potty training in the spring, and Lord help us, we are still working on it almost ten months later. I know he'll get it eventually, I'm just not sure what the hold up is. He is only wearing underwear, no pull-ups to deter progress, but he still has accidents and will not tell me when he has to go. As long as I keep track of time and take him, it's an accident-free day (not counting poopy accidents).

In June, the kids welcomed their first cousin, Sylvia!

In July, Josh and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. We sort of weren't sure if we would take a big trip or not, but we got the hair-brained idea to go on a cruise around May or so! One of my co-workers at the time was crazy about cruises, so we asked her lots of questions and started planning. It was a trip full of fun and relaxation, that's for sure!

In August, Josh's grandpa passed away. It was a sudden thing, very difficult for us because he fell at our house walking out our front door, and the surgery that followed would turn out not to go so well.

I am thankful for the picture above, taken the day grandpa was at our house. I know he enjoyed seeing Caleb's birthday party that day. We know he is rejoicing in heaven, reunited with his wife, and singing praises to the Lord. :)

Also in August, Josh began teaching at the East Central College campus in Rolla. It is an adjunct position, and I think he really enjoyed this new experience as an educator.

We decided to announce that we were expecting our 4th baby in September. I was about 10 weeks when the news broke, and I was hoping to hold out longer, but I figured all the puking gave it away! I also resigned from my job in September, and the day after my last day of work, I was admitted to the hospital with pancreatitis and gall stones! Aren't I too young for that?!

The fall brought a student of the month award for Caleb and some cute, super heroes around October 31st.

And let's not forget, the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series in October!

My 20-week ultrasound was scheduled for November 29th, and on that day we found out our baby is a girl. I was so excited. So, so excited. We do have a girl name picked out, but it's top secret, so I can't tell until the baby is born! But don't worry, I can give you a clue. Her first name is in the Bible. ;)

We really enjoyed Christmas break, with Josh being off for two weeks! We did some traveling this year for Christmas, and I went to my first pro-football game on Christmas Eve!

With a new baby on the way, we have a lot in store for us in 2012! I hope I can take in every moment. I hope I can enjoy these days, and when I reflect this time next year, I can have a flood of wonderful memories to share with you.

Happy 2012.

Testing...ahem...is this thing on?

2011-11-11T09:17:00.003-06:00

No, I haven't been writing much lately. In fact, this is probably the longest I've gone without posting something since I wrote NOTHING in the month of April and June. I'm not really sure why...probably because of the change to a private blog. With my audience being significantly smaller, I'm not sure which direction to go. But I do know that the switch was what I needed - to be a private blog and know exactly who's reading.

So I can't promise that I'll post as often as I used to...well...back in 2009 or 2010 anyway. This year hasn't been much on the blogging front, that's for sure!

I'll catch ya on facebook...the place where I seem to write tiny segments of my day via status update.

Being a Cardinals Fan

2011-10-14T09:44:00.001-05:00

We are pretty big Cardinals fans around here!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Dream Journal

2011-10-13T11:20:00.001-05:00

I daily have vivid dreams. When they are the kind that I can't stop thinking about, I usually write about them...

We were at my grandparents' farm, in their beautiful, brick home that sat on a hill, overlooking a goregous field. All of us had gathered in the basement, and at first, I didn't understand what was going on. There were at least 50 people, and in the beginning, I didn't know who any of them were. A man, who emerged as the leader in the situation, told us we would have to wear gray gloves to protect ourselves, and I didn't understand what significance the gloves would have.

All of us looked around at each other. By that point, we all knew "they" were coming.

Suddenly, I heard something above me, and there was an opening in the ceiling. A ladder came down, and I saw my grandma and my great aunt...the first two people that I recognized so far. People were around them, trying to help them down to the basement. I felt a sense of panic, thinking that there was no way two elderly people could defend themselves for what was coming.

For whatever reason, a group of us went outside. It seemed completely irrational considering it put us at risk, and they had arrived.

That's right. The zombies.

One of them walked towards me, and I tried to push him away, thinking that the gloves would somehow help me. But I didn't feel strong enough, and as I kept pushing, he kept coming at me. I remember thinking he didn't look like I thought he would: he seemed normal except he was going after me...and after anyone who was out there with me.

Somehow I got away, and my next thought was to climb up on the roof of the house. I started to look around for a way to get up there, and in the distance I saw Josh, the only other person I recognized. At that point, I could not get his attention. He could not hear me, so I decided I had no time...I just had to get to the roof.

As it goes in dream land, I do not know how I got up to the roof, but I did. When I got up there, I saw two other people. They seemed confident that they were safe, so that made me feel safe. I just rested on the roof, waiting for it all to end. I saw people below me being hurt by the zombies, and while I felt safe, I felt horrible for those below me. A person came up beside me and put his arm around me. He had a distinct face, I cannot get it out of my mind (it's not someone I know in real life, which makes it even more perplexing), and he told me it would be ok...I shouldn't worry. For whatever reason, that made me not worry.

Then I woke up.

Sometimes it's temporary...

2011-10-05T10:20:00.001-05:00

It was the end of December, and I remember standing in an aisle at Dollar General, looking for a Cover Girl compact, when my phone rang. The number indicated that it was a call from the hospital I had just interviewed at a day or two prior, so I answered with a little bit of nervousness, a little bit of eagerness, and a little bit of fear. The woman from HR explained that she was offering me the position, told me the pay rate, and told me what day to arrive for orientation. She asked if I would accept the position.

I said I'd have to call her back.

Though I knew this was a step that felt like it had to happen at the time, it still was hard. Though I knew that every thing else had lined up - like Caleb being enrolled in school and having found a sitter for Sarah and Gabriel - it still was hard.

But less than an hour later, I called her back and accepted the position.

From January through the end of September, I worked outside of the home. I saw sometimes hundreds of patients a day, sometimes people I knew. I met sweet co-workers and had a great supervisor.

But sometimes, things are just temporary.

Sometimes we find solutions or make choices that fit for the time being.

At some point late in the summer, I remember telling Josh that it felt like it was time for me to go back to my normal. I think he was apprehensive. Even though I wasn't making much, and a huge chunk of it went to daycare for two of our kids, I knew he felt like we had more wiggle room in our budget with me working. And we did. Yet...I just knew it was time. Going back to work was what had to happen when I did it. It served its purpose in our lives.

Sometimes we make choices. Sometimes it's a temporary solution for a greater good. And when we wake up one day and realize it's time to move to another choice, it's best to do that, too.

In the Back Yard

2011-10-04T14:22:00.003-05:00

The kids in 2009.

The kids in 2011.

Makes me teary.

A Lesson

2011-09-29T11:19:00.004-05:00

On Sunday afternoon, my mom drove me to the ER. I was having severe back pain, so much so that I couldn't sit, couldn't stand, couldn't lay down...I could just get down on my hands and knees and cry. It was hard to breathe, and I could barely tell her how I was feeling. The pain eased up just enough for me to make the trip to the hospital. After several tests, I was diagnosed with pancreatitis, and a ultrasound the next day revealed that I had gall stones. I was there for two days as an inpatient.

Not a pleasant experience...except for the sweet nurses and excellent care I received at PCRMC.

By Monday afternoon, I was feeling a bit better. I was in the room without a roommate the first night, but by the next day, a female patient was in bed 1. Since I wasn't as bad as the day before, I was more cohearent and could tell how horrible she was feeling...and I felt bad for her. She came in for ulcers, but eventually her migraines started to really get to her. She would cry, throw up, and cry more. She wasn't loud or anything, but I could just hear that she was hurting.

Josh was with me one of the times when her husband came to be with her. Right from the start I became irritated with my roommate's husband, and I know I shouldn't be that way, but I couldn't help it. She would cry or hyperventilate, and he would say, "You just have to calm down, Debbie. I can't do anything for you, and they can't do anything for you if you don't calm down." He just kept telling her to calm down. SHE WAS IN PAIN FOR GOODNESS SAKE. I looked over at Josh and said, "Honey...if I'm not feeling good...don't tell me to calm down, ok?"

As if to play along, he didn't say anything...just nodded. :)

She occasionally would snap at him, probably because he wasn't being very sensitive, and then he would say, "Don't bite my head off...it's not my fault you're in here."

Jerk.

So after both Josh and I got to hear all of this, I knew that it would be a lesson for both of us.

I was discharged on Tuesday at 11:30, and I was ok for a bit. Then my nausea began to set back in, a symptom I got to control while in the hospital because they could quickly put Zofran in my IV! I keep a hospital throw-up container with me (I don't know the technical term for those!) and just vegged on the couch...feeling miserable.

When I rushed off to the bathroom to puke, Josh calmly followed me. "What can I get for you, Chrissy?" he said sweetly. "Just...a...cold...wash...cloth," I tried to say between heaving (sorry for the details). He rinsed cold water on a wash cloth for me, and put it in my hand. He put his hand on my back and gently started to rub. He did not say anything, just stayed by my side...even though I was crying at this point more than puking. When I knew I was ok, I had to pee. I turned around and sat on the toilet, and just rested my head on his hip...still crying. He kept rubbing my back, not saying anything. He didn't tell me to calm down. He didn't say I'd be fine or any of the cliche things he could have said. He knows I don't like that, and after the lesson in the hospital, I think he heard what it sounds like when someone says that to someone who is sick.

I am sometimes a baby when I'm sick. I'm glad I have someone to take care of me...who knows what not to say.

Under Construction

2011-09-21T09:19:00.006-05:00

As you may have noticed, there have been a few changes around my blog. I've been wanting to make these changes for a while, so now they are finally here! I'm still wanting to change a few more things, but overall, this is what my blog will look like now.

Change is good sometimes.

The News

2011-09-18T18:33:00.002-05:00

The news we shared with the kids today:

Poster

2011-09-17T19:28:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I traveled with my mom to Springfield. She had to replace a part in a projector for school, and we did a little shopping here and there as well. One of the places we stopped at was this super huge teacher supply store called IPA. Oh. My. Goodness. Mom said it was like crack for teachers! It was so fun, I wish I had a bulletin board just for the cute boarders and posters they had.

I even thought of you, Bethany, when I saw tons of wooden toys.

As I glanced through a few things, I stumbled upon something that made me laugh.

I first laughed because it was on clearance. I generally don't talk politics on here, but I'm not one who would consider herself a democrat, so it was easy for me to poke fun at this poster...thinking, "Of course it's on clearance, who would want it?!" :)

Then I started thinking, "How exactly is this school appropriate?" I mean really, no matter which party it would have represented, can you imagine walking into your son or daughter's classroom and seeing this proudly displayed on a bulletin board?

I don't get it.

Anti-Bullying Starts With Me

2011-09-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

It seems that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear about anti-bullying. Usually it's on the news, something about new rules in a school district, new legislation, or a new case that has to do with someone being bullied to the extreme. We say we won't tolerate it. Teachers do what they can, parents have new programs on their computers to track what their kids are doing. We know their passwords and we check their phones. We want to make sure our kids aren't being bullied. We ask them about their day, we want to know if someone is hurting them verbally or otherwise.

But this doesn't address a key factor. Maybe I missed it somewhere, but in all the stories I've heard about parents checking on their kids, it's always about making sure they are the ones not being bullied. What if my child IS the bully?

Gasp.

Now, to be honest, as I'm sure most parents would say, I would be dumbfounded if I was told Caleb did something unkind to another student (or my other two kids, too, but let's stick with him since he's the only one in elementary right now). I'm not talking about not sharing (which we still have to work on) or cutting in line. I'm talking about malicious behavior, calling someone names, tripping them on the playground, those kinds of things. But I do think we need to be mindful of what causes a child to do these things. What about programs or material that tells parents what to look for at home that might mean their child is developing bully mentality?

What can I do to PREVENT bullying, not just sit by and waiting for my child to be bullied? We all think it will be someone else's kid. The truth is, it's going to be someone's kid...whose will it be?

And when teachers notice a child with these tendencies, I realize we should not tolerate it, but what can we do to rehabilitate their mind-set at an early age? Is it possible for the school to even help in this manner if the parent is in denial? Like I said, I can't imagine my children behaving in a bully-like fashion, but if it happens, not matter how minor, I would want to immediately figure out what to do - not shake my head and say, "Boys will be boys," or "Girls and their drama." That's denial.

What do you think causes bullying-tendencies?

Thanks, C.S. Lewis

2011-09-12T08:35:00.000-05:00

This short excerpt from Mere Christianity has probably affected me more than anything else in the last year.

Those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises. Love songs all over the world are full of vows of eternal constancy. The Christian law is not forcing upon the passion of love something which is foreign to that passion’s own nature: it is demanding that lovers should take seriously something which their passion of itself impels them to do.

And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry. But what, it may be asked, is the use of keeping two people together if they are no longer in love? There are several sound, social reasons; to provide a home for their children, to protect the woman (who has probably sacrificed or damaged her own career by getting married) from being dropped whenever the man is tired of her. But there is also another reason of which I am very sure…

No one in his senses would deny that being in love is far better than either common sensuality or cold self-centredness. But, as I said before, “the most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of our own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs.” Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last, but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last… But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be “in love” with someone else. “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

People get from books and plays and the cinema that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on “being in love” for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change — not realising that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last… The thrill you feel on first seeing some delightful place dies away when you really go to live there. Does this mean it would be better not to live in the beautiful place? By no means. If you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. What is more, it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction…

This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go — let it die away — go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow — and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. But if you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them artificially, they will all get weaker and weaker, and fewer and fewer, and you will be a bored, disillusioned person for the rest of your life. It is because so few people understand this that you find many middle-aged men and women maundering about their lost youth, at the very age when new horizons ought to be appearing and new doors opening all round them.

C.S. Lewis

Book 3 Chapter 6, “Christian Marriage”
Mere Christianity

Hershey's Story

2011-09-03T16:35:00.003-05:00

Erin and I have known each other our entire lives. Our dads grew up together, as kids we played together, and as grown ups we reconnected via facebook. She has a sweet family and adorable kids. So imagine how my heart sank when I heard the news about the Joplin tornado. Erin and her family lived in Joplin. Just a couple weeks ago, I had breakfast with her sister, and I listened as Maegan recalled the events of that day, Erin's perspective, and the perspective of those who were roaming the streets directly after it hit - I sat there in tears.

Her family adopted a lovable doggie after it's owner lost his home. I asked her to share about their current situation. Here is the story of Hershey.

Let me start by saying, Jason and I are not dog people. In fact, we used to mock people who treated their dog like an actual member of their family. And we used to roll our eyes anytime we'd hear about a dog having surgery. I've even said, "It's a dog. It's shouldn't be that expensive to have it put down. We have to remember there are starving PEOPLE and children who need homes. Really? A dog?" That's really how I viewed dogs.

Until the days following May 22nd, 2011.

My family survived an EF-5 tornado that blew through Joplin, and leveled houses just a few blocks from us. Needless to say, "the storm" was the center of every conversation throughout an entire day. And it was wearing on my kids. I could tell. Ryan- age 5, tried to be brave in his speech when recollecting the day in the hallway under the mattresses when trees hit our house and our roof was ripped off. Lauren- age 3, seemed to ask lots of questions about God, and good vs. evil because of our scary experience. (And Kate was only 4 months old. She didn't say much....except for screaming something to the tune of. "I don't care if you don't have water or electricity. I want a bottle, and I want it NOW." HA!) But needless to say, our whole family was a bit shaken, and anxious at the thought of any impending storm.

So, to calm myself, I browsed facebook (who me?). A friend posted a picture of a chocolate cocker spaniel with the caption "Help Find Hershey a Home." His previous owners lost their house in the storm and were forced to get a rental with no pets allowed. Awwwww, sad story. But I kept scrolling......remember, I'm not a dog person.

The next day, a new post, "PLEASE. Hershey needs a home." I got this hair-brained idea that if we got a dog, it would give my kids something else to talk about and focus on, other than devastation and chaos all around us. But I knew my husband would never go for it. AND I realized I was crazy, and very sleep deprived.

The next day, a new post, "Hershey is a good dog. He needs a good home." OK. Seriously. It was like this little ball of brown fur had these soulful eyes that were staring directly at ME! I mentioned the idea to my husband. He thought I was crazy....and wondered if I had Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder. HA! (Did I mention that our 3-year-old daughter was terrified of dogs? Minor detail.) My husband thought I was crazy to think that getting a dog could help Lauren conquer her fear of dogs. But he did agree with me about giving the kids something to focus on, other than a tornado.

YES! We called our friend, Steve, and went to look at the dog. (Meanwhile Lauren was taking short, shallow breaths and trying to remain calm.) Something about that Hershey dog....we knew right when we saw him that he was going to be good for the kids.....or for Ryan anyway.

But we decided that a dog was not in our budget (and seeing how my husband had just lost his job with Joplin schools being closed.....ADDING to the budget was just plain dumb!)

But there was something about that dog.

We agreed to make it work, and give him a home. That's when our friend Steve handed Jason $100 to get Hershey's shots and food! What a blessing. So far, having a dog hadn't even effected our budget.

It took Lauren almost two full weeks to warm up to Hershey. She talked about him A LOT, and mentioned how she "wanted" to pet him, but she just couldn't do it. Then one evening, the family took Hershey on his nightly stroll through the new neighborhood.....and Lauren worked up enough courage to pet the poor soul. The rest was history. She loved on that dog like he was a new, plush Build-a-Bear. My husband and I stood wide-eyed, as if it were just a dream.

It was good timing. The very next day, we had a thunderstorm. Nothing major, no reason to be alarmed.....normally. But every person (and dog) who was in Joplin on May 22nd felt a sense of alarm and panic at any sound of thunder. Hershey, who was outside when the tornado leveled his house, was terrified of the thunder. Jason (my husband) was pacing the house, gathering flashlights and bottled water. I could see the anxiousness of the kids, and the constant asking about the weather radar on the TV. We needed a distraction (or I was going to throw up). So I told the kids their job was to get Hershey to calm down. We had brought him inside (which I would have never done in the past. Dogs belong outside. Humans belong inside.) But the poor guy was trembling with fear. The kids hovered over him, pet him nervously, and repeated to him that he was going to be okay and that he didn't need to be afraid. Funny thing happened, they started to believe it. They calmed down. *Thank you, Hershey*

Jason and I knew that Hershey was going to be a blessing in helping the kiddos with their new-found fear of storms.

After Uncle Hershel had been in our family for about a month (and had acquired 42 nicknames), we entered into one of the hottest summers Joplin has ever seen. Heat indexes of 113 degrees most days. Poor Hersh-Diggety, stuck outside, lethargic under the back steps....the coolest place he could find.

I dared to ask my husband about making Hersh-Diggs an indoor dog. He s

hot me a look of disbelief. And later wrote his facebook status as, "Who is this woman I'm married to?" HA! But once I pulled the kids in on it, Daddy was toast. There we all stood, big brown eyes, pouty lips, begging the head of the house to let the dog live inside.

The next day, a friend gave us an extra kennel, and I got Hershey's bed all set up inside! :) (Sometimes, big brown eyes and pouty lips can be such a handy resource!)

It wasn't until we "lived" with Hershey, that we realized just what a good doggie he was. He would lay by Ryan and watch him play legos.....wanting so badly to nose his face around in the bucket of tiny blocks.

And he would lay on the bed, wearing a pink princess cape that Lauren adorned him with, and watch her twirl around the room. (Although, when I took his picture once, he looked at me like, "Oh great. Please don't show this to Nigel." our neighbor's dog who had quite the alpha-male battle with Hershey at times.)

Hershey even let the baby swat his face and pull his whiskers. Yeah, I know. We didn't know how we got so lucky to get such a good dog.

Then, last Tuesday, my husband woke me up well before the sun came up. "Honey, I need to tell you something. Last night, Hershey chewed up part of Lauren's tea-set. I scolded him and tossed him outside. When I went to call him in, I noticed he had broken the fence to the garden and got in it. He dug up all the pepper plants and most of the green beans. I was so irritated with him. He came flying out of the garden and his paws were matted with mud. He came running inside the house and jumped up on the couch. When I called him to go outside, he peed on the couch. I'd had it. I lost my temper and I threw him outside. His leg hit the step and he yelped pretty loudly. He's not putting any weight on his leg now."

My first emotion was anger. How hard did you throw him? Why did you let your temper get the best of you? What are you gonna tell the kids? Can I keep Hershey and find you a new home? (only kidding about the last one....kindof!)

I went to check on Hershey and he wouldn't come out of his kennel. I made an appt with the vet and thought his hind leg might be dislocated. Meanwhile, my husband couldn't eat breakfast. He said he felt like a monster. I told the kids that Hershey ran out the back door and slipped and hurt his leg. We would take him to the vet as soon as we could.

Ryan was home from school with strep throat. So I loaded the two older kids, the baby, and the dog into the van and headed for the vet's office. We had to leave Hershey there, and the dr was going to look at his leg in-between surgeries. As we walked out of the vet's office (and after I spilled an entire cup of coffee into my purse), Ryan got really upset. "Mom, we can't leave him here. What if they cut his leg off?" TRUST ME, SON. THEY WON'T. "But what if they do? I don't want them to cut Hershey's leg off." After I reassured him MANY times, he settled down and we headed home.

Then, I got the call that afternoon. "Hershey hit his knee at just the right angle. It broke the bone and the femur right above the knee." Then the word.....amputation! I lost it. Ryan and Lauren were staring at me, knowing that whatever was being said on the other end of my phone, wasn't good.

I was a mess. I was so sad for my kids. But I was also so mad at my husband. (Even though I threw Hershey out the back door once when Baby Kate crawled up behind Hershey while he was eating a bone. His instinct took over and he growled at her. I grabbed his collar, scolded him big time, and tossed him out.) But this time, this time was different. Hershey was hurt. Bad. All because my husband lost his temper.

I called Jason. On the other end of the line....silence....then sobbing.

I talked logistics. I said, through sobs, there was no way we could afford the $900 amputation fee. It would cost $40 to put him down. We had no other choice. Jason.....wept! He said he would sell anything and everything and he would come up with the money. But in the end, there was just no way to pull it off.

I hung up the phone and went to talk to the kids. I told them that Hershey WAS actually going to have to get his leg cut off. Then, I saw my son's face. I lost it. He'd lost trust in me.

I told them it was very very expensive to have Hershey's leg taken off, and Mommy and Daddy were trying to be wise with our money and get our family out of debt. So, the dr would give Hershey some medicine to help him fall asleep, and he will stay asleep forever. Both of my kids started crying. Ryan pleaded, "You can have our piggy banks. Honestly, everything in them. Right Lauren? Can she have yours too?" "

Yes. Yes. Take my piggy bank, too. Just don't let them make Hershey go to sleep. Please Momma, please."

I walked out of the room, got on the computer and looked up numbers for every vet's office in the 4-state area. Finally, I found a dr who said she could amputate his leg for $400. Done. I'll figure out how to find an extra $400 somewhere, anywhere.....just please don't take my kids' dog away.

So, after talking with the kids about the new plan to pay for the surgery...they wanted to help raise some money. (And I didn't have the heart to tell them that doing extra chores still came from MY bank account. HA!) So we put our headstogether and thought of an idea.

Jason is going to build them a "lemonade stand" and they will sell homemade dog treats and cookies with HERSHEY kisses on top. They have been rolling dough, cutting bone-shaped treats, and bagging the baked goodies ALL DAY in preparation for Saturday's sale. 'Hope for Hershey' might not raise enough money to cover the entire vet bill....but it's a start. And a great lesson for my kids!!!

And speaking of lessons....my husband says he'll be sharing his house with a 3-legged dose of humility every day! ;)

Thank you, Hershey. You're a magic dog.

Erin's most recent status update: "THANK YOU to everyone who helped make 'Hope for Hershey' a MAJOR success!!! The kids are going to count the money when they get up from rest time. But I peeked, and ummmmm......Hershey's vet bill will be paid in FULL!!!! Thank you for blessing our little family!!!!"

I think that's pretty amazing.

Dinner Dilemma

2011-09-01T10:15:00.001-05:00

When I was growing up, the dinner mom made was the dinner we got. If we didn't like it, that was too bad. For the most part, I don't remember having trouble eating whatever she made, though. Vegetables might have been a different story, but overall, we all sat down, had dinner, and then continued down to the family room to watch Nick and Nite together (back when Mr. Ed and the Donna Reed show were the main shows).

She was not a short-order chef. She did not make something different for me and my sister. We had to eat what was on our plate.

I assumed that things would go the same for me when I grew up and had a family.

Because of my upbringing, I do not feel I should make something else if one of the kids doesn't like what we're having. I've tried to just do what I've read - if they don't like it, they don't get dinner. I don't make them sit there until it's complete, if we're all finished and they still haven't eaten, I will tell them, "When it's 8:00 and you're still hungry, you'll need to just remember that you had your chance to eat dinner." More often than not, I will not clear their plates. I will leave it at the table, and when they're hungry enough, they will come back.

But every now and then, even if it's 8:00 pm and they appear to be starving, they will not eat it. The other night, both Sarah and Gabriel did take one bite, which is what I require of them. They have to at least try it! When they've taken a bite and I can tell they genuinely don't like it, that's when I have a hard time not making them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something. There are foods that I can't stand, too, and I know that if I had a choice (for example) of sauerkraut or going to bed hungry, a growling tummy is what I'd have that night!

So what are your dinner rules? Do you ever "give in" and make something else? Should I stick to my guns and just let them go without eating?

Dollar General

2011-08-26T07:10:00.000-05:00

I shopped at Dollar General for Sarah's birthday. I wish I could say it's because I'm frugal or thrifty. I wish I could say it's because I'm creative and can shop anywhere and find something cute. I wish I could say it's because I planned ahead and knew what she wanted, and the best buy was to purchase it there.

But honestly...it's just because the days seem to get away from me lately. A week or so ago I thought to myself, "I'd better pick up a gift for Sarah! She needs her school supplies, too." And yet, I didn't go. Days went by, and finally her birthday arrived, and I never picked out something for her.

Fortunately, she is VERY easy to please. At 2:30 on the afternoon of her birthday, I ran to Dollar General, with nothing in mind, and picked up several things that I knew she would love. She needed a new backpack for preschool, so that's the first thing that caught my eye. I also grabbed all of her school supplies. As I glanced through the toys, I found a cute, ballerina Barbie. She loves My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake, so I picked up some new coloring books for her with those characters. Just that morning, she had mentioned needing new house slippers, and I saw some cute pink ones that I couldn't resist. A bucket of sidewalk chalk seemed like a good idea as well, and it completed my collection.

As she opened her gifts, her face lit up. She carries her Barbie with her everywhere, and she loved showing her teachers her new backpack at pre-school open house. Her new slippers are always on her feet.

I learned something through my Dollar General shopping experience:

1. Dollar General has some cute things if days seem to slip by you and you need to pick up something for your daughter's birthday.

-but mostly-

2. "Doesn't matter when you shop, where you shop, what you spend, or if you buy the 'coolest' toys. If your child feels special on her birthday that's what matters =)" -Andrea, comment on my facebook photo.

Thanks, Andrea. That's so true.

Happy 5th Birthday, Sarah!

2011-08-25T07:45:00.000-05:00

Oh, sweet, baby girl. You are 5 today. There are times when I look out the back window, glance at the play set in the yard, and still see the chubby little 9-month-old you once were.

You are by far my most independent child. Your imagination and story telling are adorable and uniquely you. Your animated personalty always keeps me smiling! Your routine each night of needing a hug and kiss...even if I forget and you sneak in the living room to make sure you get it...melts my heart.

Sometimes you are a bit stubborn, but I'm sure that's just in your genetics somehow! :) You love your My Little Ponies, Strawberry Shortcake
dolls, and Barbies, which is quite something considering you have two brothers and they bombard you with dinosaurs and Legos!

You love your brothers, and they love you. You are helpful with your little brother, and you hold your own with your big brother.

With each year that passes, I become more and more aware of how much you add to my life - laughter, smiles, joy, love - all have been multiplied since God gave you to me.

These first 5 years have flown by. I have done my best to cherish each moment with you. You have blessed my life so very much.

I love you sweet Sarah.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-24T12:09:00.002-05:00

Obviously my son is not familiar with fire arms or how to hold one :)

I Don't Close the Bathroom Door

2011-08-23T19:45:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's Tuesday, but I've decided to use Mama M's 5QF as a writing prompt. Better late than never, right?

1. Do you close the bathroom door when you are home alone? No. Really? Does anyone? I don't even close it when my family is here (husband and kids). I might not close it if my mom and sis are here, too! We're all about closeness around here! Ha! I think this is an interesting topic actually. Everyone is so different!

2. You have to walk around with a word on your forehead. That word describes you. One word. What is it? Strong-willed (I know it's sort of two words, but it's hyphenated, so it's ok, right?)

3. What store do you refuse to shop at and why? Abercrombie and Fitch.

4. If you participated in arranged marriages for your child(ren), who would you choose for your child(ren)? Oh, I like this question! Here's my line up:

-Caleb would marry Alli. I wrote about her a few times. We miss their family!
-Sarah would marry Payton, Alli's brother.
-Gabriel would marry Mya. She is in his Sunday school class and she used to go to the same sitter.

I have chosen these kids because I think they are sweet, but mostly because I know the homes they come from, and I think their parents are wonderful. I know I can't really pick their spouses, but I do pray for them and the families they come from! I also hope I'm preparing my children to be the God-honoring people that they were created to be.

5. If you could pick how and when you would die, would you? Everyone wants to die old and asleep in their bed. I know I don't want to know WHEN I die. Wouldn't that drive a person crazy? Even if it was 50 years from now, I think I would over think it.

That's all I've got today! Which one of these questions was interesting to you? And I want to know how you'd answer #2!

New Gear

2011-08-19T14:59:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure who is more excited about the new sparring gear...

...Caleb...or Josh!

:)

I Didn't Write About Breastfeeding

2011-08-18T06:45:00.003-05:00

The first week of August was World Breastfeeding Week. As I saw some posts about it throughout the internet, on my friends' facebook pages or blogs, I kept thinking that I should write something. Bethany at Mama Bethany wrote two great posts about the good stuff and not-so-good stuff about nursing (I really related to her as I read her lists).

I am a huge supporter of the idea of breast feeding. I want to scream when I hear news stories about women who are asked to leave a place because they are nursing or when people think it's so horrible to nurse in public. If you watch prime-time TV, you have seen more of a woman's breast than you will if you saw me nursing. Really. So I am pretty opinionated about it. Shocking, I know!

I want to give my phone number to women who are new at it. I want to be there for them, I want them to cry on me at 11:30 pm when their baby won't latch, when they hurt because they are engorged, when they can't figure out why their supply is low. You name it, I've been there, and I want to do whatever I can to comfort a newbie!

But my own story is that of a mom who nursed 2 out of 3. Not all 3. So I'm not in the club of exclusive nursing moms.

When I had Caleb, I had every intention of nursing him - at least at the beginning. I knew I had to go back to work, and I wasn't thrilled about the idea of pumping. But I wanted to give him a "good start" so-to-speak, and I tried. At the hospital and at home for the first week, I tried, without success, to get him to nurse. Looking back, I know exactly what I did wrong, but at the time, I didn't have as much drive to do it, and I didn't have the amount of fellow breastfeeding moms like I did later. With tears, I would try, and it was with tears that I gave him a bottle.

To be honest, though, I wasn't somehow worried about his health. While I know that they tell us breast is best, I was actually not convinced that his health and intelligence would suffer because I didn't nurse him. Josh and I are very healthy people, I would go as far as to say we are pretty smart as well! Neither of us were nursed, and this was back before all the super formula was made. So I gave Caleb a bottle of Enfamil, and aside from check ups, he never goes to a doctor. He never had ear infections, never had colds. He's tall and healthy, he's smart and witty, and I believe I did the best thing for him considering my emotions and mental health were completely shot as I kept trying to no avail.

I decided to try again when I had Sarah, and that was due primarily because I resigned from my job and was a new stay-at-home mom who couldn't afford formula! Plus, I knew I'd be home indefinitely, and the ease of nursing would be there for me. It was difficult, just like with Caleb, but by that time I knew exactly who to call, and that support system was what got me through the first difficult week. I nursed her for 13 months.

With Gabriel, I followed suit. I nursed him for almost a year.

So on one hand, I support nursing moms to the nth degree. I will fight for you, stand up for you, be there for you. On the other hand, I understand that nursing isn't always for everyone, either by choice right from the start or because nursing just didn't pan out for them. Just like being a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, I have been on both sides of the nursing mom or non-nursing mom issue.

And I'm glad I've been on both sides.

Fifteen Years

2011-08-17T07:58:00.007-05:00

Every year on this day, Josh and I always say "Happy First Date Day" to each other. I wrote about it last year in this post, and I think it's fun to go back and read it.

It was August 17, 1996. Hard to believe it was 15 years ago.

So much has happened in our lives, but we are still us.

And I can't listen to this song without tearing up. It has become my marriage theme song if you will.

So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

I love you, Josh.

Tackle it Tuesday (maybe)

2011-08-16T09:35:00.004-05:00

I am contemplating starting a series on my blog called Tackle it Tuesday.

Over the last few weeks, I have grown very frustrated with my inability (or laziness?) to keep up with my house. I'm not talking about dishes or laundry. I'm talking about things like dysfunctional closets, cluttered cabinets, unorganized pantry. There are tubs of clothes that belong to my kids: clothes they've outgrown and I need to put them away somewhere. But because I have Gabriel, I can't just get rid of Caleb's old clothes, so they are sort of in limbo!

I hate it when my bedroom becomes my "dump everything" room - like when I cleaned the house for Caleb's birthday party and piled random things in there. I can't stand the playroom because I just can't keep up with what the kids get out - yes, this might be a parenting issue, don't shake your head at me! :)

So anyway, if I start this project, I will take pictures (how embarrassing) of each area I need to tackle and share before and afters. One of my long-term goals is converting the kids' rooms into boy/girl rooms rather than sleep/play rooms.

Would anyone want to take this challenge with me? Does anyone else have rooms/areas to tackle? Or am I the only one with a bit of messiness? :)

"If You Need Anything, Let Me Know."

2011-08-13T11:43:00.006-05:00

My mom and dad had just sat down to dinner. Dad had grilled his famous, BBQ chicken. Mom had probably made one of her fabulous side dishes. It was just the two of them. I'm sure it was quiet and peaceful. A delightful dinner for a busy couple, a beautiful summer evening as well.

And then...the phone rang.

It was my mother-in-law, Mary. She had called to update my parents on the status of her husband's father, my husband's grandfather. A chain of events which started with a fall at our house on our front porch the day of Caleb's birthday had led to his hospitalization, and it still wasn't looking good. Through tears she explained that when she got home from work, she would travel up to St. Louis to be with everyone up there.

I imagine it was without so much as a second of hesitation that my mom said, "Mary, I will take you to St. Louis. I'm sure you don't need to drive being this upset."

I can also imagine that Mary was stunned. Not that it's not typical of us to help each other out like that. Our families have grown quite close over the years, but I think it's just that Mary recognized that my mom would instantly go.

"I just need to put on some better-looking clothes, and I'll be at your house as soon as I can!" my mom continued.

"Are you sure?" Mary asked. "That probably would be a good idea. Thank you so much, Susan!"

And just like that, my mom left. She drove Mary up to St. Louis, stayed for a few minutes to check on Steve, my father-in-law, and came home. It takes about an hour and a half to get there, an hour and a half to get back.

I share this because I'm proud of my mom for stepping up and helping like that. But also, because I think too often we use the phrase, "If you need anything, let me know." She could have said that on the phone that day. "Ok, Mary. Well, if you need anything, let me know." But she didn't. She DID something. In a very emotional moment for my mother-in-law, she somehow knew what to do.

Over the years, I have tried to refrain from using the phrase, "If you need anything, let me know." I am not at all saying people don't mean it. But really, it seems as though if we really just stop and think, putting others before ourselves, it will come to us what they need. Maybe it's a ride to a hosptial. Maybe it's a dinner. Maybe we need to watch someone's kids while they visit a sick friend. Maybe they need a Walmart gift card. Maybe they need you to feed their cat.

When people are in need, sad, or hurting, sometimes it's hard for them to ask for something. Before you use the phrase, just take a minute and think. You might be surprised what will come to you.

How Do You Meal Plan?

2011-08-11T13:05:00.000-05:00

It seems as though I'm in a confessing type mood lately, so here is another confession:

I am horrible at meal planning.

We are often a very fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants type eaters, and this means we probably don't eat the best. I'm putting the word "probably" in there just to make myself feel better. I often don't shop ahead, I'm often scrambling to find something...anything...even if it's just something frozen in the freezer like pizza rolls or corn dogs or sometimes it's eggs, bacon, and biscuits. And I just hate that.

If I do, by some miracle, plan ahead, it's certainly not very exciting. I remember one time blogging about my best dinner being a Shake n Bake Chicken Parmesan. Yes. That's right. I admit it. I use Shake n Bake!

So I'm asking for advice - anything - that would help me in being a better meal planner. Maybe it's a website you've found. Tell me! Maybe you use a calendar and plan by the week, bi-weekly, or monthly. I would love to hear about it! What are your most favorite recipes that don't require a lot of strange ingredients?

I need your help!

Is this what you do? And how many options do you have?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-10T13:58:00.002-05:00

How I memorize. August 7, 2011.

I Don't Read

2011-08-07T08:45:00.002-05:00

It’s pretty much a running joke between me and my friend Maegan that I don’t read. The other day she posted something on her facebook page about placing an order with Amazon, and I responded, “I understand the excitement…because they sell more than just books!” Some of my friends who are writers have said things like, “But you seem to have a knack for writing. That usually comes from someone who likes to read.” I guess I’m an odd one.

So I’m confessing on my blog: I don’t read. It’s not that I don’t wish that I could curl up with a blanket and a book, a café mocha on my end table, a novel in hand that a friend suggested. I wish I could be that person who loads up books with them on their vacation. The ones who say sitting on the beach with a book is a part of their relaxation time. I just can’t.

And it’s mostly because I’m a slow reader.

Picture yourself reading out loud to your children at bed time. You know…that pace. You read each word clearly, at a pace that they can understand. For whatever reason, that’s about the pace that my brain processes it when I’m reading to myself. I find it interesting that I did rather well in school, was in the upper reading classes when they had those in elementary school, made all A’s until probably 8th grade science, graduated from high school with a 3.5 if I recall correctly. College level courses are the ones that hit me the hardest! My pace for reading most certainly affected my ability to focus on the massive material I had to cover.

It just takes a really long time for me to get through a book. I guess it’s embarrassing in a way to even say any of this. But perhaps this is an indication of my high intelligence. Right?! Like when I’ve read quotes about certain geniuses being bad in school. It just means I’m a genius.

Or something like that.

This also determines which blogs I read. I tend to write short posts because I usually only read blogs who post short entries. If I have to keep scrolling and scrolling to read it, especially if the font is size 10 or something, you’ve lost me! I like short, direct posts that have me smiling, enlighten me on a subject, or share a life experience. The more wordy blogs are just not for me.

I can count on one hand the books I’ve read in their entirety. It’s sad, I know. I just can’t make it through them.

Does your pace of reading determine your like/dislike for recreational reading?

Happy Birthday, Caleb!

2011-08-05T11:00:00.002-05:00

Today my first born turns seven. What sappy things can I say that haven't already been said? Oh, I can probably come up with several! With each new year brings new happenings in his life and sometimes even new character traits.

In less than a week, he will enter 1st grade. I think I'm still trying to process that he's school-aged. As he celebrated the end of kindergarten last spring, I remember thinking that time is going far too quickly. I feel as though I'm watching this little boy turn into a young man right before my eyes, and I recognize the huge responsibility that I have.

He is creative and has a sweet spirit. He is sometimes silly and witty, and it makes me smile. He has a strong will, and I embrace it and direct it, not stifle it. He is a very good big brother, even though he does irritate his little sister and little brother from time to time!

I love him more than words can say. He gives the best hugs. He notices when I get my hair cut or when I'm wearing a new shirt. He is a good reader, and his report card made my heart happy when it said, "Caleb is a good writer!"

When he does school work, more often than not he remembers his family first:

And today...he turns seven.

Happy 7th birthday, Caleb! You make me so proud in so many ways!

The Life Jacket

2011-08-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

One summer day, as I watched Gabriel swim with his life jacket on - so fearless, so brave, so care free - I also noticed that perhaps he had a bit of overconfidence. I'm not sure how I realized it, call it a mother's instinct. Somehow I just knew.

He thought he was swimming on his own.

It was as if a life lesson was just being demonstrated right before my eyes. When Gabriel began to mess with the buckles on his life jacket, in a way that I knew he didn't want to wear it anymore, I decided to go ahead and let him take it off. I placed the jacket aside, and I held on to him as we played in the water.

But that's not what he wanted. He didn't want to be guided with my help. He didn't want to wear the one thing that would keep him afloat.

So very briefly I let go, and very quickly he went under the water. I grabbed him and said, "See, sweetie, I can't let go or you'll sink!" Surprisingly, he wanted me to let go again, he was so sure that he could swim on his own!

It dawned on me that I do the same thing.

How often do I push God aside? How often do I think, "Don't worry. I've got this." And I wonder what it's like for Him to just watch me sink, knowing He's right there and I've let go. I wonder what He thinks when He pulls me up, and I want to let go again, just like Gabriel did.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

I am thankful for the visual that day. It was so clear to me that I even had tears for a moment, right there at the water park.

I need to stop taking off my life jacket.

Wordless Wednesday - Parasailing

2011-08-03T07:40:00.004-05:00

Parasailing in Key West, July 19, 2011.

An Earring Fiasco

2011-08-01T07:05:00.001-05:00

It was a gorgeous day in May of 2007, Sarah was just nine months old, and I decided (with prompting from my best friend) to get her ears pierced. It wasn't as if I didn't want to anyway. I had considered making it a 1st birthday endeavor, but when you're with a friend at a mall with your baby girl and see a Claire's, it's just too hard to resist!

And since my sweet girl was basically bald, I thought this would give her a distinct GIRL look, even when no bows were in her hair and even when she wasn't wearing pink.

She didn't even cry. She never bothered them as a baby and as she grew into a toddler, it was just as if they were a part of her. I always kept them in her ears, and I always chose tiny studs for her to wear. Nothing gaudy, always something cute and simple. It seemed to fit her just perfect.

So imagine my dismay when I called my mom one day during my kid-free vacation, and she proceeded to tell me that Sarah had somehow hit her ear and shoved her earring into her earlobe. I just couldn't understand it at all. It was definitely something I had to see to believe (or see to comprehend might be more accurate). According to Sarah's version, she was playing with Caleb and hit her ear on a door. It pushed the stud of her earring through the hole, so much so that when my mom tried to push it forward or backward, it would not come out.

When I arrived home, I also tried to get it out without any luck. With my mom and mother-in-law's encouragment (yeah, you know what that means) I called and made an appointment for her to see a doctor. It's not that I didn't recognize that this was pretty much my only option, it just seemed so ridiculous that it had come to that. But really, what else could we do?

I was at work when Josh took her to the doctor to see what could be done. Her peditrician was off that day, so she saw the FNP. Evidently it wasn't just the FNP who took a look, a student and three other nurses came in as well, and none of them could do anything. Sarah was then referred to a surgeon in town, and when I got that text from Josh, it made me a little emotional. I knew it wasn't a big deal, but I was just having a mom moment...because...

Sarah didn't want to wear those earrings the day I put them in her ears.

After I got a grip, I told Josh to just keep me posted.

She did fine.

The doctor made a tiny incision (very tiny) and was able to get it out. Sarah picked out a cute, colorful beanie baby from their treasure chest, and she takes it with her everywhere we go.

I'm not sure if she'll be wearing earrings again any time soon. I do hope she'll let me put some in her ears again one of these days. And I learned my lesson: no teeny tiny studs, maybe something with a little more substance!

The Thing About Facebook

2011-07-30T20:30:00.003-05:00

It's hard for me to explain my fascination with facebook. I am completely aware that I have a bit of an addiction, and that's putting it mildly. But with going back to work and a no cell phone policy there, it does cut my connection time down a bit! We have also recently implemented a home rule of no social media past 6:00 pm.

I am exempt from that rule for this one post!

I find it extremely interesting how people use this form of social media. Of course it's great to reconnect with old friends, share pictures, find groups or fan pages with your favorite interest. I am quite fond of using quotes from my children as my status updates! It's a new form of funny every day around here! It's great to see what's going on with everyone, see where they took a vacation, see where they got a new job, see their newborn baby. Frankly, it's like Entertainment Tonight only with real people that I know.

However, I do think sometimes people use facebook as a middle school locker room. Passive aggression is often my favorite part of this website, and I know that's a horrible thing to say. For me, though, if I'm poking fun at someone, it's because I know they will joke back with me. Like when my status was, "I just saw that someone posted HBD for Happy Birthday. If it's their special day, you owe it to them to spell it out! ;)" For one, I was trying to be silly, and for another, I knew she would poke right back at me! But what about when it's something more mean spirited? Is it really ok to post something like, "You'll get what's coming to you," or "If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."

Harsh.

And you know the person they are talking to/about is on their friends list.

Now don't get me wrong. I've had status updates that aren't all butterflies and rainbows. Often times, though, I tend to delete it because I feel bad for posting it! The other day I said something like, "When will I ever realize that some people are impossible to figure out." For me, though, I wasn't directing it at a friend on my list. It was sort of a life lesson type thing for me; a thought that I was processing.

The other thing I can't figure out is the ever popular friends list cut. One of my best friends posted on my wall the other day, "Just letting you know I took my friends list down to 128 - just sayin' :)" She was teasing me because she knows I'm basically incapable of deleting anyone, and my list tops the scales at 763. But rest assured, there are those on my list who have over 1000 friends, so my list is nothing really!

What is your criteria when it comes to your friends list? Especially if you do the friends list cut thing? I guess I just figure the whole point of social media is to connect with others, and to be honest, I've actually found that having a lot of friends can be helpful at times! I found a free bunk bed for my kids once!

I do understand those who only want close friends and family. Really. If I downsized my list, I would keep you if I saw you around town, had kids in the same class, went to the same church, etc. I would perhaps cut you if I never saw you and you never interacted with me on my page.

And what about pictures? I love posting pictures of my kids, family, and friends. Recently I had a first when it comes to facebook: someone asked permission to post pictures of my kids from a VBS they attended. I had never even considered asking this question!

I love facebook. A lot.

I have my own "rules".

Do you?

A Kindergarten Celebration

2011-05-19T15:23:00.009-05:00

This morning, along with Josh, my parents, and Josh's dad, I attended Caleb's kindergarten celebration. It was such an adorable thing, and I smiled each time the principal reiterated sweetly, "We will make sure you have time for pictures!"

Caleb and the principal. He was looking up at me on the top row.

~~I did my best not to cry.~~ I had teary eyes throughout most of the program, and each time Caleb looked up at us and waved, it made me have a few more tears. This growing up stuff sure is hard on us moms.

The class of 2023.

It was a bittersweet morning. What a blessing to see him learn and grow. I particularly loved when they read his name and said, "When Caleb grows up, he wants to be an astronaut...or a ninja." Ha!

With his teachers. I love them.

I know he can't possibly understand my tears. It's probably just silly to him now. Perhaps he'll understand someday.

But to me, he should still be this little baby...

Not Outdoorsy

2011-05-15T10:29:00.003-05:00

I am not an outdoorsy kind of girl. It's sad, really. If it's not 72 degrees, sunny, with a very mild breeze, I do not want to be anywhere but inside.

So when it was 50 degrees, damp, cloudy, and very breezy yesterday...and my children wanted to play at an outdoor playplace in a town we traveled to...and since we had to kill time and didn't have any other choice but to let them get out and stretch and play, I did what any non-outdoorsy-mother would do:

In Honor of Today

2011-05-08T08:09:00.001-05:00

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3

Being a mom...it changes your life.

We were sitting at lunch when my friend casually mentioned that she and her husband were thinking of starting a family.

"We're taking a survey," she said, half-jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I said, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she said, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations..."

But that is not what I meant at all. I looked at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I wanted her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I wanted to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I considered warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching her own child die.

I looked at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and thought that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I felt I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child-care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright.

I wanted my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive friend, I wanted to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I wanted her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I wanted to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing her child learn to ride a bike. I wanted to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I wanted her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My friend's quizzical look made me realize that tears had formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally said. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my friend's hand, and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful calling. This blessed gift from God--that of being a Mother.

Dale Hanson Bourke from Everyday Miracles and Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul

Sarah's Preschool Promotion

2011-05-06T18:56:00.007-05:00

This week brought an end to Sarah's first year of preschool. It's always bittersweet to know the year is over. I'm proud of her improving skills and educational development, but I'm sad when I think about her growing up. Plus, she had Ms. Carrie - just like Caleb did - and I know she will miss her!

I truly love the preschool she (and Caleb) attended. They are just the most genuine people who love kids and love to see them learn and grow!

And now for a quick thank you. When I knew I would be going back to work, there was one thing that I worried about, and that was how we would get Sarah to and from preschool. Two wonderful friends helped me out, Nel and Sarah H. I know they told me it was no big deal, but it was a big deal to me. I couldn't imagine having to take Sarah out of school because we couldn't get her there and get her back, and like another perfect piece of the puzzle, they were there. THANK YOU GIRLS! You are a blessing to me.

Her preschool year has come to an end...but we look forward to next fall when we start again!

Wordless Wednesday - Sparring

2011-05-04T17:33:00.002-05:00

First night of sparring at his Taekwondo class, May 2, 2011.

Potty Training 101

2011-05-02T19:55:00.000-05:00

When I tell the story of the day I gave birth to Caleb, there is the "nice" nurse and the "mean" nurse. The first nurse - the "nice" nurse - didn't make me push hard, didn't tell me to bear down, didn't tell me that I wasn't supposed to let up between numbers while counting to ten. She told me I was doing great. The second nurse - the "mean" nurse - was the one who came in during the first nurse's break, after I had pushed for two ~~freaking~~ hours, and after the first time I pushed for her she said, "That's not pushing. And don't you let up until you've gotten to ten!" Baby Caleb came out quickly after I met "mean" nurse.

The same might be true for potty training. I've officially potty trained three kiddos. I wish I had someone who would have been "mean" about it with the first child so that I would have just sucked it up and stuck with it right from the start. And then with the second child, I gave up a few times as well. That was the wrong thing to do! I speak from experience when I say...once you start, there's no going back. Just do it! It's more about the parent being ready than the child being ready (that's the "mean nurse" in me).

Here is Chrissy's advice:

1. Pick a day and stick with it. If they can say the word "potty" and "poopie" (or whatever you chose for your home), and if they have, on occasion, told you they've gone in their diaper, they are ready. Some say that waking up dry is also an indication, but considering I have a six-year-old who still wets at night, that's not really an indicator in my book. But that's just me.

2. It is not easy. You will not put on a pair of underwear and magically have a potty-trained kid. Why did I think this was the case? And while no mom will admit it, it must be what we all think. Yes, they will have accidents. Lots of them. They need to do this to learn cause and effect. You might have days of one accident after another...do not lose hope. It is ok! This happened with Sarah, and I wanted to give up! But one of my closest friends wouldn't let me, even though Sarah pottied on her floor!

There is some guess work when it comes to trying to time it to catch them so they will go in the potty seat. "Ok, time for a potty break! Let's sit down and try!" They need to learn this, too, so they know it's the right thing to do! And the first time they do it, DO A HAPPY DANCE! :) Pump them full of water or juice so that they will have plenty of potty to learn with!

3. Do not use Pull-Ups during the day. They are worthless when it comes to training a child to use the toilet. They are only handy at nap time or night time if you so chose, but do not think that because they keep you from cleaning up messes that it's somehow the wonder product for potty training. It's not.

4. Commit to staying at home, and I mean 24/7! This is more difficult when both parents work, but in our case, Josh had spring break that he decided to utilize for this effort. Gabriel did not leave the house for a week. He didn't go to church or the store. We were totally devoted to the training process and kept him home so that he could feel comfortable using the bathroom. A week is not necessarily what you have to have, even a weekend would be good. But the longer the better.

5. Be willing to think outside the box. With all three of our kiddos, we began the process with the potty seat in the living room. I had friends think I was crazy, and I think my mom did, too! But none of the kids were really crazy about sitting on it, so I remember reading something (or maybe it was on Dr. Phil?) about letting them sit and watch their favorite show to get them used to being on the potty seat. This worked for us. I am also not one to bribe my kids to do anything, but we did use M&M's with Gabriel, and this was a hit!

6. In our house, boys sit down first. I'm not sure if everyone does this, but both Caleb and Gabriel pottied sitting down first. As a matter of fact, Gabriel began his potty training on March 25th, and just yesterday he pottied standing up! It's funny to me, but I guess he knows Caleb and Daddy do this, so he wanted to try, too. Since he's tall enough, I'll let him, but I always run to the bathroom when I hear him lift the seat so I can make sure he's directing it correctly. But for starters, I really think it's easier for them to learn sitting down.

If they refuse to sit on the seat, just let them pee their pants. That's right. I said it. I truly feel that eventually this shows them the cause and effect of it. Yes, it's exhausting. I know. But it's worth it. I know that, too.

There is plenty of advice out there, and I'm sure some of you have your own advice as well! I mean, I didn't even mention naked time for the kiddo! But these are the things that have worked for us, and I felt like this post was long overdue.

What are your tips? And if you haven't potty trained, what do you think you'll try?

The World I Know

2011-05-01T18:05:00.001-05:00

It was a year ago last weekend that I attended Women of Joy with my mom and sister in Branson, Missouri. It was that weekend that God spoke to both Josh and me, and we decided to homeschool Caleb. We didn't know how it would go. We didn't know how long it would last.

We also didn't know that our lives would change drastically directly after I began teaching him.

Without going into detail, as it's quite personal (and I'm not a bold blogger I guess), our lives took a 180 degree turn in the fall. And by January 3rd of this year, I went back to work, we enrolled Caleb in school, and my two younger ones began going to an in-home daycare while I was at work.

Huge changes for me. Just huge.

It was not something I planned or had in mind. I had been a stay-at-home mom for four years, and it was something I had grown accustomed to doing. While there were hard days, as any mom would attest, the benefits outweighed the cost to me. The time spent with them - the giggles, the play time, the whimsical nature of it (I could go where I wanted, when I wanted), and the "mommy friendships" was just as it should be.

But sometimes things change.

When I decided to go back to work, I wanted more than anything to go back where I had worked previously. I still knew many people there, and I felt like the adjustment would be far less difficult if I felt like I was back home so-to-speak (as much at home as a person can be in a work environment...maybe you know what I mean). I was fortunate to receive an interview rather quickly, and I was hired into the Patient Finical Services department as a Patient Registrar at Phelps County Regional Medical Center.

I just love that place.

Has it been difficult sometimes? Yes. But there are several factors that have made it work for me when it may have otherwise had me uptight and in knots.

1. Caleb's personality lends itself to adjusting to new situations. He is the type that will play with anyone, introduce himself to anyone, and be around anyone. Very helpful with this change! His teacher wrote me a sweet letter by the end of the first week telling me that Caleb seemed to be adjusting very well and was more than ready academically. This helped me a lot.

2. Sarah and Gabriel are with the sweetest woman during the day. I was floored that she had an opening for not one but TWO KIDS! How amazing was that? She only keeps teachers' kids and does not charge us for days off including holiday breaks and summer break. She is a Christian and instills Godly values within her home. She is a blessing in my life.

3. Working where I worked previously allowed me to get back into the groove rather quickly. I saw so many people I already knew, and it always makes me smile when I see someone and they say, "Chrissy! You're back!"

Those three things have been nothing short of God's grace working in my life. I wouldn't be functional otherwise.

My world has changed. My first day of work was January 3rd, so I've obviously been avoiding this post. I'm not really sure why. I know that the world of blogging - especially the blogs I've read the most - tends to lean towards stay-at-home moms. What direction does this take me now? I still want to write, I just don't know where to find the time and what to include now. You were so used to hearing about me being a stay-at-home mom. What about me being a working mom?

Not to mention the "whys" of me going back to work. There are days when I wish I could be more real on here. I will never forget when I shared just a tiny bit with one of my readers, and their response was, "Wow, sometimes we forget that there are real people behind these blogs with real hurts and real issues." Yes. So true.

The world I know. So much different now.

Kids and Sports

2011-03-25T15:00:00.006-05:00

My husband and I love sports. We both had our fair share of athletic opportunites - I participated in volleyball, basketball, and softball while he participated in football, baseball, and basketball. Both of us ended up finding our one true love - mine was softball, his was basketball. But our parents lets us try different activities and allowed us to decide when it was time to no longer be a part of one.

I'm not really sure how young is too young to allow that choice or when we should encourage them to try. I guess you could say Caleb - my first born of three - is currently my guinea pig. Ever since we signed up up for soccer last spring, he never really seemed into it. He played two seasons, and a couple weeks ago when I said it was time to start practices again for soccer, he was less than thrilled. I told the coach we'd be sitting this season out.

He did basketball with our church's Upward program. I felt much better about this experience because he really seemed to enjoy it, and watching him was a hoot! When I've asked him since the end of the season if he liked it and if he'd want to play again, he nods his head, but doesn't give me much enthusiasm. So I'm not really sure what direction we'll go with that.

And then came another idea, courtesy of my husband. Since we're still not sure if Caleb will be sold out for team sports, we thought we'd go another direction. Josh asked Caleb if he'd like to try Taekwondo. He was elated! His face lit up, and he couldn't wait to start. He kept counting down by looking at the calendar and remembering the day his first practice would be.

That was the reaction I was hoping for when it came to something he would be a part of.

Caleb with his instructor during the first night of class. He'll receive his uniform at his next practice.

My cousin, Chris, is very athletic and loves all kinds of sports. But I remember his younger days as he worked his way through the ranks as a Karate student. He began at age seven, and he achieved all of his belts, right on through to black! He was so sweet to text me the other day:

"That is so cool! I was kind of the same way believe it or not [referring to not being interested in other sports at Caleb's age]. I didn't become legitimately interested in team sports until 5th grade. If he ends up liking it enough to go to tournaments, I'd love to help him bring home some hardware. Ha! That's when it gets really fun. You meet a ton of people and your confidence goes through the roof. It helps form great habits, respect, and drive. Can you tell I liked it? :)"

As a seven-year-old, Karate was Chris's niche for some reason.

I hope perhaps Taekwondo is Caleb's.

I love seeing little kids play team sports. My other children may love them! And perhaps Caleb will become more interested as he grows. But for now, I don't feel like I should make him do something when he's not at all interested. He's only six. If he doesn't play t-ball or soccer this year, it probably won't ruin his chances for the NCAA. :)

Melancholy

2011-03-15T17:16:00.003-05:00

This week's theme for Shutter Love Tuesday is Emotions.

Sarah being melancholy. August 2008.

When He Fell

2011-03-13T13:21:00.014-05:00

A year ago on this Sunday morning, Josh and I were about to get ready for church when our sweet baby boy fell and cut his forehead so badly that we had to take him to the ER. I wrote all about it and how I felt here.

Today I'm sharing pictures I never posted before. Not even on facebook. I'm not really sure why I didn't use them with my post or put them in an album on facebook. I guess my emotions were still pretty raw, and I didn't like looking at them.

They still can bring up that emotion.

"In that moment when I was holding him, I began to shake. I'm not sure why, I think I just couldn't believe that this was happening to one of my children. He was hurting, so badly, the bleeding not slowing at all, the cut looked like something I've only seen in movies."

And this was the picture I took the first night we took off the bandage:

But now, a year later, he looks like this:

I usually brush his hair forward, but for the sake of writing about it, I thought I'd show what his scar looks like. For both of my boys, I like to have them with a bit of hair, but even more so with Gabriel since he has that scar (which is the other reason I was really sad when he had this hair cut). But it's amazing how the body can heal - I often don't notice his scar.

Just a memory I was thinking of this morning. I can't believe it's been a year ago.

Hair Color, Cooking, and My BFFx2

2011-03-11T22:35:00.006-06:00

Hello, Friday. Good to see you. Time to answer some questions with Mama M.

1. Do you know what your REAL hair color is? Yes. I sure do. Because until last fall, I never colored it. Ok, well never is a strong word, but I rarely (maybe once or twice) put anything that varied my hair color on my hair. My natural color is very, very dark brunette. I sometimes forget how dark it was until I look at some pictures of myself.

Before and after:

I love my dark hair, but the highlights have been fun. Plus, with my ever increasing amount of gray, I'm thinking my sweet hair stylist is going to love that I have to come see her frequently! :)

2. Do you plan ahead for summer, or fly by the seat of your pants? I have never planned ahead for summer as an adult. The only planning happened when I was 21 and put together a wedding in July! Other than that, we are very random. If I see the weather report and notice it will be a nice day, I will say, "Hey, let's throw the kids in the van and go to the Zoo!" Or if it's a clear, HOT day, we will head to Splash Zone. I think one of these summers, though, it would be nice to take a trip with the kids to the beach. I know they would love it. The older two (ages 6 and 4) are so easy to travel with, it's just my 2-year-old I'm waiting on!

3. What is your favorite meal to cook? Ha! Did you say cook? Sadly, I am not the cook in the family. I really don't like to cook at all. I guess that's the non-domestic side of me. But, if cooking is required of me, I really like to make Chicken Parmesan. I use the Shake and Bake recipe and serve it with spaghetti noodles. I look really talented when it's done.

4. Do you get offended by not receiving thank yous? No, not offended. I do think it's a shame that thank yous have become less important in our modern society. I am not perfect at it, but I do try to send thank you notes or cards if I receive something from someone. If I give a gift, I'm not waiting at the post office, patting my foot, wondering when my thank you will arrive! But I do think it's polite, and I am trying to teach my kids to write them. Caleb has sent a few thank you letters since he's been able to write. It's just a nice gesture in my opinion.

5. How did you meet your best friend? When I started thinking about this, it made me teary. It must be one of those days. I've known my BFF since middle school, but we did not become close until the fall of 2003. She had just gotten married, and I had just moved back closer to home, so we attended the same church. We began practice for a church musical, and I remember seeing her every week. One evening, when we all found out she was pregnant, I will never forget her saying, "You're next! I just know it!"

Sure enough, I was. We've been close ever since. We were pregnant all three times together. We were a part of dedication services together, and sang together for them!

Mike and Kassie holding Joseph on the left, Josh and I holding Caleb on the right, baby dedication, spring 2007.

It's been a year now since she moved to Indiana (love the pictures in that post), and I still miss her like it was yesterday. When I have a horrible day, I wish I could drive to Owensville and see her. I miss the 4th of July evenings in her back yard. I miss seeing her kids grow. But we are very good at making sure to see each other when she visits Missouri, and I need to plan a trip to Indiana! Even though there isn't a beach there! :)

My other BFF lives here in my same town. We met at church in the spring of 2006, and after having babies in the same month, ended up seeing lots of each other at a playgroup.

Lots of life changes have caused us to not see each other quite as much as we used to, but I still love her very much and consider her very dear to me. She has seen me cry and has been a shoulder to lean on. She has watched my kids when I've needed her, and brought me wine when she thought I needed it! ;) She is sweet and genuine. She is my go-to girl.

Sarah and Chrissy, spring 2009.

A Simple Picture

2011-03-08T08:15:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I go through old pictures on my computer or flip through a few on facebook just for the heck of it. No good reason. Just reliving memories I suppose.

Last night I saw this picture:

Nothing really spectacular. But this was taken only a few days before I had Gabriel. You can see my baby belly quiet clearly! I was holding my little girl, who was my "baby" at the time. When I look at it, I remember that at the time, I didn't know if I was having a boy or a girl. I remember that I hadn't told anyone what names we had selected for the baby. I remember wondering how I would adjust from two to three kids. That day I had gone to get my hair cut because I wanted to look cute on the day I had the baby - yes, I know, I'm weird for thinking of that! :)

I remember feeling happy. My life was just as it should be.

Memories...all from a simple picture. Sarah in her pj's...me in a t-shirt. And I'm pretty sure Caleb was the photographer. He was only four.

I enjoy reliving a moment, no matter how simplistic. Just a glance at a picture can take me back to another time.

Like Mother, Like Daughter.

2011-03-06T14:21:00.007-06:00

Yesterday I wrote this as my facebook status:

As I was walking through Walmart, I quickly glanced up ahead and saw who I thought was my mom. I did a double take and then realized I was actually walking towards a mirror.

True story.

It was only a brief second, but in that brief second I realized something that I hadn't before. Maybe there are some similarities between me and my mom. Growing up, I had always been compared more so to my dad. I have his facial features, his big, brown eyes, his nose, and even his teeth (I had to have braces for the same reasons)! I was tall like him and had more of his frame (my mom is tiny, my dad is not).

But every now and then, I catch a glimpse of myself looking like my mom. The Walmart example is one. This picture is another:

August 2009.

Now I realize that most of my readers don't know me or my mom personally, so to share this picture would really only prove something to someone who knew us both, but when I saw this picture from the summer of 2009, I remember thinking, "I look like my mom!" I'm not sure if it was the angle, the hair, the clothes, or what. But it was probably one of the first times I saw myself and thought I looked like her.

And if I do look like her, even a tiny bit, I'm honored.

Because she is beautiful. Inside and out.

Garbage Disposals

2011-03-04T19:00:00.001-06:00

It's time for Five Question Friday again with Mama M. I thought I'd better participate since one of the questions is mine this week!

1. Have you ever forgotten your child in a store or at school? No, I haven't. But that's too short of an answer for me. So maybe I should take this opportunity to tell on one of my parents? Yes. I think that would be fun!

When I was a kid, we lived in Rolla and my mom taught in Belle while my dad taught in Owensville. Dad would drop off my sister, my mom, and me at Belle (which is 35 minutes from Rolla) and then proceed on to Owensville (15 more minutes). Then after school, he would come by and get us. One afternoon he must have had something going on after school, so the three of us either got a ride or walked to my grandma's house which wasn't too far from the school. We knew he would be later than normal, but as the 5 o'clock hour approached, mom wondered what was taking so long. She waited probably 30 more minutes...maybe an hour...and by 6 o'clock she realized it may have slipped his mind to come by and get us. This was before cell phones mind you, so there wasn't a way to reach him if he was on the road.

Sure enough, mom finally got a hold of him, and he had driven all the way to Rolla without us. I'm not sure he's ever lived it down. :)

2. Where did you go on your very first date? (Like...first first, not first with your spouse or current significant other!) I glanced through a few blogs from 5QF, and when I saw that many of the bloggers couldn't remember their first date, it actually surprised me! But then again, I tend to remember EVERYTHING, so I couldn't help but remember my first date. It was a really big deal because I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. No exceptions. So even though I started seeing the boy I was with the day I turned 15, and even though he could drive, I had to wait an entire year. And he waited for me. My birthday is in November, so he took me to Santa's Magical Kingdom in Eureka, Missouri, driving his 1995 Ford Probe (a smokin' hot car). After that, we ate at Pizza Hut and then drove home. It was fun.

Me and my dad on my 16th birthday, November 4, 1995.

3. What's your "silly" fear? (We're not talking water and heights.) Oh, yes. A silly fear. I have a very hard time reaching into the kitchen sink if something has dropped in there. I have a very strong fear that the garbage disposal is going to spontaneously go off and I will no longer have a hand. You know. Since there are so many documented cases of this happening and all. Sigh.

4. Confrontation: do you cause it, deal with is as it comes, or run far far away? I don't think I cause confrontation unless you count the times that I will approach someone if I can tell I've upset them or if they have hurt me. I do not flee it at all. It's interesting to me that some are so afraid to discuss issues with others. What are we afraid of? I wonder how we can train our children to be able to handle confrontation? Why am I ok with it?

But I have also learned how to let certain things slide or if I've tried to handle something and it's going no where, there's a time to just stop and realize...nothing is going to change. Make sense?

5. Wood floors or carpet? In my house we have all carpet. I don't think that will change any time soon even though I think wooden floors are beautiful. My sister recently re-did all of her floors, and they are gorgeous. It's a very dark color, though, and I'm not sure I could keep up with cleaning them! If I were to buy a new house, I think I would tend to like homes with wood floors.

Happy Friday!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-02T15:03:00.003-06:00

Mama and the boys.

My mom with Gabriel and Caleb, August 5, 2010.

See, It Worked!

2011-03-01T15:18:00.003-06:00

Back in August I wrote this post asking readers to tell me how they feel about the phrase, "God answers prayer." I loved the insight I gained through those of you who commented, and then I wrote a short, follow-up here. At the time, I didn't feel like I could adequately express how I was processing that phrase, and the truth is, I still can't. And I still need to be careful with that topic, but there is one thing I'd like to address.

Have you ever sat in a group with others who are discussing prior prayer concerns, and when the request was "answered" the way the group thought it should go, heard the phrase, "See, it worked!"

It worked. Like a magic act.

What if Suzy didn't get the job? What if Bob wasn't healed of cancer? Would the group then say, "Oh...those prayers didn't work."

I sure hope not. I really doubt it.

But it really feels that way to me. Sometimes I see status updates on facebook about God answering prayer, and it seems to me that it only happens when something goes the way we want it to. Like if we say it loud enough and long enough, if we beg like a small child in the toy aisle, God will change His mind.

Honestly, I don't mean to sound sarcastic or horrible. It's a profound struggle for me. To hear the phrase, "See it worked!" after discussing prayer...just seems wrong for some reason.

"I've learned that my prayers are so many times less about getting an answer to my questions and [more about] honoring Him with my time so that He can speak to me those words that He knows I need." - Joel

Still have lots of internal work to do on this topic.

That Volkswagen Rabbit

2011-02-24T20:02:00.007-06:00

It has been a really, really long time since I've done a Five Question Friday with Mama M. But alas, I desperately need a writing prompt, so here goes!

1. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes. I sure can. And actually, my parents made me learn how to drive on a 1984 Volkswagon Rabbit. That's right. So stylish. My mom was known for this car (which, in real life was a silver color, not a green one...but you needed a mental image of some sort)!

How mean, huh? It was not as easy as the newer stick shift cars, and I remember being in tears more than a few times when I couldn't get the car to move forward in first gear in our driveway! After I got my licence, I gave up on the idea of driving anywhere because I just did not feel comfortable enough to drive my mom's car - dad had a truck, and it was a stick shift, too! Thankfully, I ended up getting my own car six months after I got my license. And it was far more stylish :)

2. What are two foods you just can't eat? Oh, my word...I cannot stand sauerkraut. Even the smell makes me want to gag! I am also not a fan of ham and beans. If I were to be stranded on a desert island and these were my only options, I would probably die.

3. Do you buy Girl Scout Cookies? What is your favorite kind? Did you by chance see this story I wrote two years ago? You should. I was traumatized for life and haven't really been able to buy Girl Scout cookies ever since. But before that, I did. And my favorite is Carmel Delights, formerly known as Samoas.

How could someone not love this cookie?

4. How do you pamper yourself? There are some really simple things I do that I consider pampering myself. For one, I treat myself to a Cafe Mocha from Panera at least once a week. It's not much, but it's a tiny piece of heaven to me when I get one! I also love taking afternoon naps on a Saturday afternoon, or having "me" time on a random evening. Every 8 weeks (or longer if I can stretch it) I get my hair highlighted by Ashley's sister, and I most definitely consider that pampering myself...and I love it.

5. What is your nickname and how did you get it? Well, Christina is my legal name, so technically Chrissy is a nickname of sorts. I started going by Chrissy the first week of college at SBU. My roommate and I had the same name, and my dad's side of the family had called me Chrissy anyway, so I told her I'd just go by that so we could ease the confusion. The truth is, I sort of wanted to change my name. Call it a "fresh start" sort of thing. No one knew me there, so I could be someone new. It's funny when I hear someone call me Christina now. It lets me know that they must have met me before the fall of 1998. I've also written about this nickname - which means a lot to me.